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– Mary Ivanovna, teach me something else! “I’m tired, Vovochka, let’s better get out of bed and get back to math.”

Dad asks Vovochka: “How did mom guess that you didn’t wash your face?”
– I forgot to wet the soap.

– Vovochka, does Masha come to visit you?
– Yes, sure.
– What are you doing?
– We watch TV.
– But you don’t have a TV? “She hasn’t noticed it yet.”

The teacher handed out notebooks after checking the dictation. Vovochka approaches the teacher with her notebook and asks: “Maria Ivanovna, I didn’t understand what you wrote down here!” I wrote: “Sidorov, write legibly!”

Mom gives Vovochka a teaspoon and says: “Here’s a silver spoon for you.” They say silver kills germs!
– Mommy, should I drink tea with dead germs?

Vovochka asks dad: “Dad, does it happen that condoms break?”
– Look in the mirror!

– Vovochka! Why did people invent the Internet?
– They’re tired of peeking through the keyhole!

The postman brings a registered letter and rings the doorbell. Vovochka opens the door, in one hand he has a bottle of cognac, in the other a hefty Havana cigar. The postman squeezes out in amazement: “Uh… are your parents at home?” Vovochka casually shakes the ash from his cigar onto the carpet, winks and answers: “What do you think?”

– Vovochka, have you read the novel “War and Peace”?
– What, did you have to READ it?
– Yes, what did you do?
– And I, fool, REWRITTEN…

Vovochka at the pharmacy asks to sell five packs of condoms. The pharmacist delicately says to the boy: “It’s better if dad comes himself.” You need to know the size, brand, etc. Vovochka:
– Firstly, it was not my father who sent me, but my mother. And secondly, she’s going to a resort and doesn’t yet know what size it will be.