Adult Anecdotes

A man comes to work and has a black eye under his eye. Friends ask where he got into something like this?
– My wife hit me…
– Why?
– And I called her YOU…
– Why don’t they hit her in the face for that? How was it?
– My wife and I are lying in bed. She says: “WE haven’t had sex for a long time.” And I answer: “Not WE, but YOU.”

“15 minutes of sex is equivalent to a three-kilometer race,” the physical education teacher told us meaningfully.

A pregnant woman and her husband at the doctor:
– Is it possible to have sex during pregnancy? “During the first trimester, they can do this in a normal style. During the second trimester they should do it doggy style and during the third trimester they should limit themselves to wolf style.
– Wolf style?
– asked the husband,
– what is this???
– This is when you lie next to each other and howl

He and she after hot sex at a party in a large spacious bathtub: She:
– I always dreamed of doing this in such a bathtub. He: “Dreams come true.” Of course, I’m not GazProm… She: -… but your pipe is good!

The lieutenant, on the morning of February 24, of course, after drinking, opens his eyes and realizes that he overslept. His phone rings. Pleasant female voice:
– Comrade Lieutenant, do you want phone sex?
– Of course I want to!
– I’m connecting with the unit commander.

Woman at an appointment with a psychotherapist:
– Doctor, I can’t understand whether I love my husband.
– Why do you doubt it?
– Because during sex I always think about something other than him.
– And about whom?
– About who I’m currently having sex with.

During sex, two types of women meet: the first behave as if they are going to die, and the second act as if they died yesterday.

The difference between men and women is that men want sex from women, that’s all. And women want everything from men, including sex.

After 20 years of married life, the wife decided to have a serious conversation with her husband: “I think we need to experiment in the bedroom.” Let’s pretend that I’m a girl of easy virtue, I came on a call…
– Can I see everyone first?