Dark Humor Anecdotes

A man comes to the doctor..
– Sit down.. tell me – Doctor! This is the problem: I talk a lot, but for some reason everyone then tells me that I was silent, but I know exactly what I said! There was an incident recently – I came to a friend’s wedding, everyone stood up in line, said toasts, and drank to the health of the bride and groom. Well, I got up, took a glass and began – I congratulated them, wished them everything, drank vodka and sat down. A friend then comes up to me and says: “Well, you got impudent – you stood up, paused, drank some vodka and sat down!” Doctor, what should I do? The doctor slowly raises his head, squinting, looks at the man and says: “Well, how long will we remain silent??..”

– Will Sasha come out?
– Sasha died… – Throw away the ball!

Tour guide on the bus:
– Now we will pass this big wall, and you will see the area where everyone stopped drinking and smoking. The passengers perked up. They rushed to the bus windows. The wall ended… and behind it was a huge city cemetery.

A little boy at the zoo climbed into a lion’s cage and handed him a cookie. Well, what can I say, the boy wanted to feed the lion
– the boy fed the lion.

Having received videos for her birthday, Masha thought that this was the best gift in the world. However, after an hour she realized that the best gift was new front teeth…

I am a quiet and modest person. If you offend me, I’ll bury you quietly and modestly celebrate.

Ritual company “Stork”
– We brought you, we will take you away!

A blind prostitute sees nothing wrong with her profession.

– Was that your rat running around here?
– This is not a rat, but a dwarf dachshund! – The cat ate it – that means it was a rat.