Dark Humor Anecdotes

A woman walks without an ear, and on her forehead she has a tattoo: “Kolya took a bite.” Everyone asks her: “Where is the ear?”
– Kolya took a bite – Why the tattoo? – Yes, it’s a damn thing to answer for.

The husband returns from a business trip, and the wife and her lover… Anecdotal, at first glance, the situation ended in a stabbing.

What a misfortune! Andryukha went swimming drunk one night and hanged himself.

– What will you write on your grave?
– At first – nothing. Then I will periodically rise from the dead, write something new on the tombstone and crawl back down like a decent necro-blogger.

– Gentlemen of the jury! This man promised to marry me, but chose another woman. He broke my heart and I am demanding ten thousand dollars in damages! And she received the required amount. Next case: “About causing bodily harm to a woman.” A car ran over the plaintiff and broke three of her ribs. Court decision: pay three hundred dollars in compensation. Moral: don’t break women’s hearts, hit them in the ribs!

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a day. (Aphorisms about Alzheimer’s disease)

The zoo director’s wife got away with everything. She slept on the guard’s coat.

Call to the apartment. They open it and there’s a locksmith standing on the site: “Did you call the locksmith?”
– No. – How? Citizen Petrova does not live here? – But she died 2 months ago! – They give it! They call a locksmith, but they go and die!

If a woman says that she gave you the best years of her life, then this is not a complaint, but a compliment: it means that before you she had the worst years.