Vovochka Anecdotes

Vovochka: Marvanna, I probably misunderstand something.
– ???.
– You see, the day before yesterday dad thought that I was very messed up and said that I needed to be spanked mercilessly, and yesterday outside the bedroom door I heard:
– Vasya, why aren’t you going to spank me? “Darling, you’ve done so much wrong that there’s no reason to spare you.”

Vova went sledding with his dad. They ride for an hour, two, three, four… Vovochka, almost crying:
– Dad, I will never go sledding with you again! Dad:
– Don’t whine! Take it, I say!

The teacher asked the children to bring talking animals to the next lesson. Vovochka brings the snake the next day.
– Vovochka! This is a snake, can it really speak?
– Of course, Marya Ivanovna, look. And Vovochka takes the snake by the tail and begins to twirl it over his head, hitting it against desks and walls. The snake slowly raises its head and in a quiet voice: “Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-my slut, sh-sh-sh-slut.”

Little Vovochka decided to play fireman. He put on a red jacket, a copper-red helmet, sat in his sister’s red stroller, took his faithful fiery red setter Chappie and tied the stroller with a rope directly to the male’s manhood. On his way. A compassionate neighbor gives advice: “Tie a rope to his neck
– then your fire truck will go faster!”
– But then she will go without a siren!

MaryIvanna told the children to bring talking animals. Everyone, of course, brought parrots, but Vovochka nothing.
– Vovochka! Where is your animal?
– It’s at home, it’s a talking hedgehog.
– There are no talking hedgehogs! “You come to me this evening, I’ll show you.” So MaryIvanna has arrived, Vovochka gives her a pointer and says: “Put it in his anus, he will talk!” She stuck it in. Hedgehog
– FFFFFFFFFF.
– He doesn’t speak!
– And you are deeper. Hedgehog
– FFFFFFFFFF.
– Yes, you are scamming me! Vovochka takes the pointer and pushes it halfway. Hedgehog
– FFFAATTTTITT FFFAATTTTITT!

Vovochka comes to school covered in bruises. The teacher asks: “Vovochka, what happened?”
– Dad beat me.
– For what?!
– And he bought me new jeans, but they turned out to be small

Vovochka was very offended when they called him a complete fool.
– Why is it stuffed? Stuffed with what?
– he was perplexed.
– And really, with what?
– you think every time you pass by the Mausoleum…

The teacher asks:
– What is pleonasm? (pleonasm is a figure of speech containing unambiguous, often redundant words). Vovochka:
– This is when, for example, mom and dad make love in the bedroom, and at the same time there is a spicy movie on TV. “As a result, you don’t know where to look.”

1945, September 1, school session.
– Children, tell me how you helped the front.
– You Mashenka:
– And I knitted my socks and sent them to the front.
– Well done.
– And that Kolenka? “And I sent my scarf to the front.”
– Well done.
– Are you Vovochka?
– And during the battle, I brought shells to the soldiers.
– Well done Vovochka, what did the soldiers say?
– Gut Waldemar, gut.