Adult Anecdotes

Patient and doctor:
– What is your duration of copulation?
– Well, the last time
– two hours and forty-three minutes.
– Well, this is a phenomenal result. More details.
– I waited 40 minutes for him to get up, three minutes for sex, and then lay unconscious for 2 hours.

– My girlfriend constantly has pain in her lower abdomen after sex, and she hasn’t had her period for three months. What to do?
– Yes, you are a calm guy, I see.

How to get sex from a girl? 1) Love. 2) Take care. 3) Give flowers and gifts. 4) Remind her that she is your wife, after all!

If the quarrel does not end in violent sex, then the woman will start a scandal again and again until the man understands the meaning of life.

We sit and solve a crossword puzzle:
– Brings children, 4 letters: Husband:
– Sex! And you can’t argue…

Wife to her husband, who persuaded her to have anal sex for the first time:
– How good!…
– Honey, did you like it so much?
– It’s so good that I didn’t allow you to do this before!…

During one session of sex, at least 2000 calories are burned. This is why married men find it so difficult to lose weight.

The Chukchi brags to his neighbor: “I bought myself an inflatable woman in a sex shop.” She helps a lot with sex, however.
– How? “For now, however, I run home to love my wife, she scares the wolves away from the deer.”

Three married couples (an elderly, middle-aged, and young) want to become members of the same church. And the pastor tells them: “We have one condition: you must not have sex for two weeks.” Well, after two weeks everyone comes to the pastor again. The pastor asks an elderly couple: “Well, did you pass the test?” “Yes,” answers the elderly couple, “Everything was very easy.” “Okay,” says the pastor, “from now on you are welcome visitors to our church.” Then he asks the same question to a middle-aged couple. “Yes,” they answer, “It was not easy, but we restrained ourselves.” Well, the pastor answered them: “Okay, now you are welcome visitors to our church.” And he asks the same question to the young couple. “No,” the young couple answers, and the husband adds: “We tried very hard, but one day the wife reached for a can of green peas, dropped it, bent down… well, then I couldn’t stand it… The pastor got upset and said: “It’s bad that you don’t become welcome visitors to our church.” And the husband:
– Yes, I understand, we are now unwanted visitors in that store too…