Kids Anecdotes

The best way to teach kids about taxes is to eat 13% of their ice cream.

My daughter and I went to the doctor. The doctor showed pictures of a cow, a pig, a sheep and a horse, and asked to name these animals in one word.
– Cattle! The doctor laughed and said that, in fact, that’s correct, but you need to say “pets.” Without hesitation, my daughter said: “That’s already two words!”

“But I remember there was only one guy in our kindergarten.” He beat everyone. Except me. I was strong and always fought back. For this I was kicked out of kindergarten.
– ???
– Well, they said that the guard should not fight with children.

The biology teacher decided to practically prove to her students about the dangers of smoking. He takes a worm, throws it into a glass of alcohol
– it dies immediately. Throws a worm into a glass of nicotine, also dead. Throws a worm into a glass with egg yolk
– the worm lives.
– Children, what conclusion can be drawn from this? Vovochka:
– If you don’t drink and smoke, then worms will start in your eggs!

– I really want to go back to kindergarten! I undertake to sleep during the day, not break toys and eat semolina porridge.
– Go to a psychiatrist and tell him that you see little green men and hear their voices. I don’t promise kindergarten, but everything else will happen.

Russian language lesson in a Georgian school. Gogi:
– Take note, my hand is not moving! Teacher:
– Gogi, YOUR pen is not writing, MY pen is not writing, HIS pen is not writing, HER pen is not writing, THEIR pen is not writing… Got it, right?! Gogi:
– Got it, our industry produces bad pens!

In short, the teacher asks:
– Children, what is the fastest thing in the world? Children:
– Car… plane… rocket. One stands up and says: “The fastest thing is thought.” Here I am, but in my mind I can be in the village with my grandmother. And then Vovochka gets up and says: “Marya Ivanovna, in my opinion, the fastest thing is diarrhea.” Before you have time to think, your pants are already full.

In an Odessa school during the Soviet years:
– Children! There is no God! Let’s all show a fig out the window! Abrasha, why don’t you show your shit?
– If it’s not there, then who should I show it to? And if there is, why spoil your relationship with him?

Moscow. A new teacher comes into the class and introduces herself.
– Hello. My name is Maria Ivanovna. I support Spartak. Now let each of you, children, also introduce yourself.
– My name is Kolya, I support Spartak.
– My name is Masha, I support Spartak. So it comes down to the last boy.
– My name is Vovochka, I support Zenit. The teacher is indignant.
– How can you?! Why are you rooting for Zenit!?!?
– My mother is a fan of Zenit, my dad is a fan of Zenit, my friends are a fan of Zenit and I am a fan of Zenit.
– And what? And if your mom was a prostitute, your dad was a drug addict, and your friends were generally fagots, what would you do then?!
– Then I would root for Spartak.