Vovochka Anecdotes

Vovochka returns home late, late. His father meets him at the door.
– Well, I was hanging around with women again, drinking, smoking…
– Dad, envy is a bad feeling.

Little Vovochka’s dad bought a boarding house by the sea. Marya Ivanovna asks Vovochka in class how many seasons there are. “Five,” says Vovochka.
– How many?
– she is surprised.
– Spring, summer, autumn, winter and dead time.

– Vovochka, who do you love more: dad or mom? “In our family, everything is different: dad loves mom, but I don’t interfere.”

Teacher:
– Vovochka, is it true that the rich help the poor?
– True Marya Ivanovna!
– Give me an example!
– Well, when the drunkard Vasya from the next door wrote the word LOCH on his father’s Lexus, his dad himself paid for his treatment.

School alumni meeting. Teacher:
– Well, how are you living, Vovochka? I remember how you couldn’t really answer a single question, you kept saying: “I don’t know, I don’t know.” “And I still say the same thing now.” But then I add: “Find out and report.”

– Children, who has white eggs?
– At the chicken.
– Right. Who has blue ones? Vovochka:
– And at Petrov’s, I pinched them with the doors for him…

– Vovochka, what are you doing there?
– I’m fucking a goat!
– Well, look, just don’t smoke…

Teacher:
– Today, children, we will conjugate verbs. I’m standing, you’re standing, he’s standing, we’re standing, you’re standing, they’re standing… Vovochka, repeat!
– Everyone is standing!

Vovochka is sitting in class, bored… There is a knock on the door. The school director comes in, picks up a pretty girl and says: “Here is a new student, her name is Nastenka, she will study with you.” They put the girl with Vovochka. Vovochka, in a daze, tells her: “Come to my house today, my parents have gone to the dacha.” Having arrived home and done the cleaning, Vovochka solves the problem of how he can get Nastenka into bed. Decides to put out a bottle of wine, good music, cigarettes, etc. And then the thought:
– No, nothing will work out…. She’s an excellent student! The doorbell rings. Vovochka opens the door and sees Nastenka in a school uniform. Vovochka with surprise: “Why are you in uniform?”
– So tomorrow we go to school!