Vovochka Anecdotes

Mom feeds Vovochka lunch. Vovochka asks her mother: “Why does dad have so little hair?”
– Because he thinks a lot.
– Why do you have so much?
– Shut up and eat!

Vovochka gives the old lady a stick that she dropped.
– Thank you, boy! How good you are though.
– You know, I’m not that good.
– Why?
– And I swear.
– How so?
– And so!…your mother.

Vovochka comes home wet from head to toe. Mom asks him: “Vova, why are you all wet?”
– Petya and I played dog.
– ???
– I was a tree.

The teacher asked the students to come up with arithmetic problems. He asks Tanechka: “Tanya, have you prepared a problem?”
– Yes.
– Then start!
– Yesterday I bought 5 bottles of cognac, and today I have left…
– That’s enough, sit down. He asks Vasya: “Vasya, are you ready?”
– Yes!
– Start!
– Since this morning I had 20 cigars in my pack…
– That’s enough, sit down. He asks Vovochka: “Vovochka, don’t you smoke?” “No,” Vovochka answers.
– Don’t drink? “No,” he says, “I don’t drink.”
– Then give me your task! Vovochka:
– The dealer had 5 ships of scoundrels…

Vovochka, still small, washes with his mother in the bathhouse. Seeing a curly triangle, he asks: “What is this?” “And this, you know, is a washcloth,” my mother answers, embarrassed. “Yeah, daddy’s is better,” Vovochka responds in a businesslike manner.
– Dad has a pen.

– So, Vovochka, I told you how your grandfather fought with the Nazis as part of the Ukrainian Front.
– Poor grandfather, but just…
– What?
– What did the rest of the soldiers of this front do?

Vovochka fell asleep on the sofa, and his father decided to put him in bed. He carefully took it into his arms, and my son said through his teeth: “Put it where you took it.”

Vovochka returns from school and says to dad: “Dad, I got a bad mark in music today.”
– Why?
– We sang the song “What a Guy’s End.”
– So what? “Everyone sang like that, and I showed.”

Mom wakes up Vovochka: “Vovochka, get up, it’s time to go to school!”
– Fuck her! Petrov will fight again during recess.
– Vovochka, it’s time.
– I won’t go! Again Ptitsyn will throw a rag for the board.
– Vovochka, you’ll be late!
– No, I won’t go! Again Ivanov will shoot with a slingshot.
– Vovochka, why don’t you go, you’re the school director?!