In the store:
– What do you mean, I can’t pay for this handbag with my tears?

Find a job like dad wants, marry whoever mom wants, have children to make grandma happy, make sure everyone else is happy, shoot yourself.

We have already become accustomed to the following main options for justifying the fall of our convertible, the most stable currency in the world:
– The ruble fell against the backdrop of falling oil prices;
– Against the backdrop of an aggravation of the crisis in Ukraine, the Middle East, the Far East, anywhere;
– Against the background of an increase (decrease) in the refinancing rate, some kind of stock index somewhere there, etc., etc. In order to somehow diversify this boring list, I offer the following romantic option: Due to the absence of any significant events in the world, the ruble fell today against the backdrop of the rising sun.

Conversation in kindergarten. Vovochka:
– Nastya, are you a hot woman? Nastya:
– I don’t know, but when I get up from the potty, steam comes out

– Father, I saw how you came to see your sister Catherine yesterday at 10 pm
– what are you doing? “And it was I, my son, who went to read a sermon to her and explained the words of the Holy Scriptures.”
– Father, I also want a sermon at home!
– Go in peace, my son
– it’s clear from you that you have already learned the truth!!

Blonde:
– Are you offended?
– I never take offense at fools, children and women.
– So you think I’m also a fool?! “I don’t even know what to answer you now…

American children run away from their parents after a quarrel, because… they immediately put on shoes. With us, as long as you tie your shoelaces, you get p*ssed and go to your room.

With our medicine, anyone who has raised a couple of children can automatically receive a pediatrician diploma.

Finally, remember! Put on clothes, dress Nadezhda, call her a taxi, promise that you will call her, and then not answer her calls. All!

– Do you want me to prove to you that you are an asshole?
– Let’s.
– Do you drink water from the toilet?
– No.
– That’s right, the horns are bothering you.