– I’m good. Look into my eyes: they are kind.
– They are drunk.
– One does not interfere with the other.

Anyone who gets up early is sad all day.

– Fima, why are you winking at me all the time?
– Oh, Tsilya, this is a nervous tic.
– Fima, you are a deceiver and a scoundrel! And I’m already in the mood…

A man, drunk as hell, crawls home from a party. His wife meets him with a broom in her hands. The man falls to his knees in front of her and sobs bitterly: “Lucy, don’t fly away!” This was the last time!

It happens that you are talking to a person, and he has this look: the light is on, but there is no one at home…

It is difficult to find a good accountant, which is why Vera Pavlovna has been on the federal wanted list for twenty years.

– Grandson, go eat! Food is on the table!
– I’m coming, woman…
– Go, otherwise it’ll get cold… The grandson gets up from behind the computer and goes to the kitchen. Granny jumps into his place at the computer: “Got it, brat!”

– Dad, tell the elephants to run.
– Wait, they’re tired.
– Well, dad, let the elephants run around some more…
– Okay. Company! Put on gas masks! Run-oh-march!

– I have a new accountant, born in 1951. I took the abacus away from him, so he now counts on the computer in Notepad, in a column!

There are two vipers. The first one asks: “Tell me, friend, frankly: am I poisonous?”
– Yes, poisonous.
– Well, then I’m sorry: I bit my tongue!