Do you know why it is customary to read poetry while standing on a stool? So that bored guests can end the evening of poetry with a slight movement of their feet!

– Honey, remember, you said that I don’t give you enough soft animals? Here.
– God! Dead rat! “But I broke her bones, she’s soft.”

From the news report: “Yesterday a terrible disaster occurred in the suburbs: an airplane crashed near a cemetery. Rescuers have already found 967 corpses, and the death toll is increasing every hour.”

– What did you draw on our asphalt? Sun? Beautiful. And this? Kitty? When you finish drawing the house, finally circle the corpse, Lieutenant.

It’s a shame when you got a guy from the army, but he didn’t get you back from prison.

Borya spent his entire childhood fishing with his father, so he never learned to talk.

Two cows at a meat processing plant:
– Listen, is this your first time here? – No, damn it, in the second!

A man comes to the doctor..
– Sit down.. tell me – Doctor! This is the problem: I talk a lot, but for some reason everyone then tells me that I was silent, but I know exactly what I said! There was an incident recently – I came to a friend’s wedding, everyone stood up in line, said toasts, and drank to the health of the bride and groom. Well, I got up, took a glass and began – I congratulated them, wished them everything, drank vodka and sat down. A friend then comes up to me and says: “Well, you got impudent – you stood up, paused, drank some vodka and sat down!” Doctor, what should I do? The doctor slowly raises his head, squinting, looks at the man and says: “Well, how long will we remain silent??..”

– Will Sasha come out?
– Sasha died… – Throw away the ball!

Tour guide on the bus:
– Now we will pass this big wall, and you will see the area where everyone stopped drinking and smoking. The passengers perked up. They rushed to the bus windows. The wall ended… and behind it was a huge city cemetery.