I force my son to eat. Vovochka is no good. I told him: “Vovochka, eat well, your dad is fat, and you are as thin as a sliver, otherwise your dad will say that you are not his son and will kick you out of the house.” Vovochka:
– I’ll take a DNA test. Me:
– Vovochka, let’s not take risks! Vovochka with round eyes looks at me and says: “Mom, it turns out that you cheated on your dad??? Then dad will kill you and leave me.

Vovochka and his father arrived in the forest. They sit, fry sausages, and talk.
– Dad, I want to shit.
– Don’t be shy! We are in the forest
– shit wherever you want and nothing will happen to you for it! After some time, Vovochka returns.
– Well, where did you do it?
– In your car.

For the New Year, Vovochka made a wish: “I want it to be New Year every day!” Two months later Vovochka retired.

Petenka:
– I will be a doctor. Kolenka:
– I will be an astronaut. Mashenka:
– I will be a mother. Vovochka:
– And I will help Mashenka become a mother!

In a biology lesson, the teacher:
– I will ask you riddles. First: “Has two legs, the whole body is covered with feathers, swims well in the water?” Masha raises her hand: “Duck!” The teacher says: “Okay!” But I meant a swan. Second riddle: “Has four legs, eats grass, stands in the meadow?” “Kolya pulls his hand up:
– Horse!
– Well done! But I meant a cow. Vovochka rises from the back desk and says:
– I also came up with a riddle. “Before use it is dry and hard, after use it is soft and moist.” What is this? The teacher blushed all over and slapped Vovochka in the face. He replied:
– Not bad! But I actually meant TEA!

During the lesson, the teacher turns to the students:
– Guys, who can name a word that would have as many “o” letters as possible? Petya!
– Swamp.
– Well done. Who is bigger? Masha!
– Milk tanker.
– Great, smart girl. Who else is bigger? Come on Vovochka!
– Gooooooooool!

Vovochka asks her grandmother: “Masha invited me to my birthday.” What to give her: one big gift or many small ones?
– Probably a lot of small ones.
– So be it. I’ll give her some seeds…

In class:
– Vovochka, what is that under your desk, between your legs? Well, put it on my table!

A neurologist asks four-year-old Vovochka questions: “How many legs does a pussy have?”
– Four.
– How many ears does a pussy have?
– Two.
– How many eyes does a pussy have?
– Two.
– How many tails does a pussy have?
– Mom, has this fool never seen a cat?

– Vovochka, why are you late for lessons?
– I was getting ready to go fishing, but my father didn’t let me.
– Very good! I’m glad you have such a smart father. He, of course, explained to you why you shouldn’t skip school?
– No, he said there weren’t enough worms for two.