Vovochka came to visit his grandmother.
– What, are your parents fighting again?
– his grandmother asks him.
– Yes, my mother brought some kind of tripper from the resort. I gave it to my dad, uncle Seryozha and my neighbor from the apartment opposite. Now everyone is screaming and swearing. There’s just one thing I don’t understand: either I didn’t bring enough, or I didn’t divide it equally.

– Marvanna, who did we fight with in World War II?
– Vovochka, are you a moron? With Germany.
– With Germany? And against whom?

Little Vovochka flips through the family album: “Mom, who is this handsome uncle next to you, so curly and young?”
– This, son, is your dad.
– Dad??? And who then is the bald fat man who lives with us?

The teacher asks Vovochka:
– Vovochka, have you forgotten that tomorrow you need to bring 500 rubles for school repairs?
– Marya Ivanovna, how much money do you need to bring in order for the school to be closed altogether?

During a math lesson, the teacher announced: “I’ll give the one who goes to the board first a point more.” Vovochka from the back desk:
– I’m coming, Marivanna! Give me a three!

During a Russian language lesson, the teacher asks Vovochka:
– Vovochka, listen to the phrase: “I’m looking for a groom.” What time is it?
– Lost, Mary Ivanna.

School . There’s a math lesson going on. Teacher:
– Children, now solve the problem: “There are 5 birds sitting on a tree. Hunters came and shot 3. How many birds are left on the tree?” Vovochka extends her hand: “Mar Ivanna, not at all
– they would have flown away after the sound of shots!”
– Vovochka, it doesn’t matter how they behaved, it’s just a mathematical problem that needs to be solved. But I like the way you think. Sit down. Well, Vovochka, of course, was all scowling at the fact that he was treated like this in front of the class, and decided to take revenge…
– Mar Ivanna, can I tell you a riddle?
– Come on, Vovochka.
– So 3 women are walking down the street and eating ice cream. One bites him, the other licks him, and the third both licks and bites him. So which one of them is married? The teacher got all red and blushed:
– Well… the one who licks and bites…
– But no. The one with the wedding ring on her hand. But I like your way of thinking!

At the labor lesson:
– Vovochka, you made a birdhouse without holes. How will the bird get there?
– No problem, she’s already there!

The teacher brought a sculpture of a naked woman to a drawing lesson.
– Lenochka, tell me what you like most about this sculpture?
– Shoulders, head…
– Well done, five!
– What do you want, Petenka?
– Breasts.
– Get out of the classroom! Two!
– How about Vovochka?
– I’m leaving, I’m leaving…

The teacher asks:
– Vovochka, look, if I say: “I was rich,” this is the past tense. And if I say: “I am beautiful,” what is it?
– Excessive imagination, Mary Ivanna.