Husband to wife: “What will you do if you see me kissing another woman?”
– Well… like a faithful wife, I will visit you… in the traumatology department…

An entry in the book of “Reviews and Suggestions” in one of the hairdressing salons: “Now you won’t recognize me. But I remember all of you, bitches!”

– And Natasha gave me sex for the New Year!
– How unoriginal she is, she gives everyone the same thing!

Our free healthcare starts with paid shoe covers. And paid medicine with free shoe covers.

An old woman squeezes into a crowded bus: “Every day so many people die, but there are still crowds on the buses.”

The girl says to the guy: “Let’s forget what happened last night.” “You snored so much that I will never be able to forget it!”

A mother reads a fairy tale to her daughter: “The father had three sons: the eldest was smart, the middle son was this way and that, the youngest was a complete fool…” “Mom, was their father sick, or what?”
– Where did you get the idea?
– What did he do worse and worse each time?

Rich Russian language: the writer writes, the student copies, the director signs, the clerk rewrites, the doctor prescribes, the investigator writes, the inspector prescribes, the bailiff describes.

A deaf grandmother comes to the stall and asks: “How much do panties cost?”
– These are not panties, but pantaloons.
– Well, even the panties are on coupons.

Recently I was riding on a bus, and a 3-year-old girl was sitting next to me… we passed a field of sunflowers, she looked at them and said: “Never mind daisies.”