I don’t understand how English-speaking music lovers listen to music in English. It’s terrible to understand all the stupidity of your favorite songs.

Coming home early from a night shift and seeing a half-naked girl coming out of the bathroom, I thought only three thoughts in my head: has my son matured, has my husband gone crazy, or has my grandfather believed in himself?

Women’s problems are men’s. And as you know, women themselves give birth to men. Hence the conclusion: Women always create problems for themselves.

A young man stands in front of the maternity hospital and yells: “Well, have you seen your son?”
– Yes!
– Well, who does he look like?
– Yes, you still don’t know him.

If Putin answered questions not for three hours during one day, but for three hours every day, then all the problems in Russia would be solved! And do you know why? The president of the country would understand that it is easier to solve all problems than to answer them.

– On the new moon, you need to show the coin to the Moon and say: “A month, my friend, give me a wallet full of money!”
– Minister of Finance, are you out of your mind?

Is it possible to call cat food something more modest? Why does my cat eat “rabbit stew in creamy sauce”, and I eat pasta with sausage?

– My computer turns off on its own. What to do?
– Do you have a system unit below?
– Yes.
– Change your socks… He seems to be losing consciousness.

We are representatives of the oldest profession: we sleep for money.
– Prostitutes, or what?
– We are the watchmen.

A girl, late for a Ukrainian language lesson, enters the class:
– Sorry, I was late! Teacher:
– She didn’t “piss off”, but she stammered!
– Well, yes! She’s a bitch… that’s why she’s a bitch!