– Vitya! What’s wrong with your black eye this morning?
– You called your wife…
– How is that? They don’t punch you in the face for this!
– Lie. He asks: “We haven’t had sex for a long time.” And I answer: “Not WE, but YOU…”.

A guy enters a train compartment with his girlfriend. The train has started, and then it turns out that there are no other passengers in this compartment. The girl says to her friend:
– Let’s take advantage of the fact that we are alone and have sex!
– No, I want you to marry me as a virgin. The friend thinks: “And the devil pulled me to offer such a thing. He has serious intentions, what will he think of me now.” The guy thinks: “Why did I wear holey socks today?”

A wolf walks through the forest. A hare meets him. The hare has a new transistor under his arm. Wolf: “Where did you get that one?”
– So I fucked the fox, she gave it to me… The wolf
– to the fox. In the morning he crawls away from her, barely alive, and says: “Fox, drive the transistor!”
– What other transistor?
– So you gave the hare a transistor for sex!
– Well, Serenky, well, he was the millionth visitor!

– Did you have sex with an intelligent girl?
– This is the one who takes a dick into her mouth with a fork?

– What is the most important thing in biathlon? Shoot straight or run fast?
– Biathlon is like sex
– if you don’t hit it, then speed won’t help…

The first snow on the roads is like the first sex: everyone wants something, is poking somewhere, some succeed, and half don’t even have tires.

Patient and doctor:
– What is your duration of copulation?
– Well, the last time
– two hours and forty-three minutes.
– Well, this is a phenomenal result. More details.
– I waited 40 minutes for him to get up, three minutes for sex, and then lay unconscious for 2 hours.

– My girlfriend constantly has pain in her lower abdomen after sex, and she hasn’t had her period for three months. What to do?
– Yes, you are a calm guy, I see.

How to get sex from a girl? 1) Love. 2) Take care. 3) Give flowers and gifts. 4) Remind her that she is your wife, after all!

If the quarrel does not end in violent sex, then the woman will start a scandal again and again until the man understands the meaning of life.