Vovochka really wanted the candy, but he gave it to Masha, because he wanted Masha more.

The kids at school had a bet about which is the fastest thing in the world. Tanechka says: “The quickest word is that you said it, but you can’t take it back!” Vanechka says: “The fastest light!” I just turned it on and it’s already on! Vovochka answered: “I had diarrhea here, so I didn’t have time to say a word or turn on the light.”

A priest in a parochial school is teaching a physics lesson: “Answer, you idiots, what is the easiest thing in the world?” Vovochka holds out her hand.
– Speak, boy.
– F*ck, father!
– Justify!
– Just the thought makes me stand up!
– Mischievous, but fair!
– Answer further, fools, what is the heaviest thing in the world?
– Speak, boy.
– F*ck, father!
– Justify! “If he doesn’t want to, you can’t lift it with a crane!”
– Oh, mischievous, but fair again!
– Answer further, idiots, what is the fastest thing in the world? Vovochka holds out her hand.
– Calm down, boy, so you’ll build all of physics on my dick!

Dad gave Vovochka a mobile phone for her birthday. The next morning, dad leaves for work and says to Vovochka: “If there are any problems, call… About ten o’clock Vovochka calls: “Dad, the cat shit in the living room!”
– Vovochka, you’re an adult, take the broom and clean it up! At twelve o’clock the call came again: “Dad, mom came with some guy, they both locked themselves in the bedroom.” I look through the keyhole and the man is taking off his pants. So, I won’t clean up after him!!

Computer science lesson. Teacher:
– Who will tell us how “hardware” differs from “software”? Vovochka:
– It’s so simple! “Hardware” is that part of the computer that can be hit, thrown, kicked. And the “software” can only be cursed!

Kindergarten teacher:
– Children, let’s play a game called broken phone. I will ask the clown questions, and he will whisper the answer in your ear. And then Vovochka will tell us all the answer.
– Tell us, clown, why do you have such a funny voice? Clown Masha: “Because I inhaled helium.” Masha Tanya: “Because I was full of helium.” Tanya Vite: “Because it was visited by gays.” Vitya Vovochka: “Because I had sex with gays.” Teacher:
– Well, Vovochka, now tell us the correct answer. Vovochka:
– There are two options. Either the phone is damaged, or he’s a clown.

During a biology lesson, the teacher asks: “Children, who can answer why flounder is flat?” Vovochka extends her hand: “The whale loved her!” The teacher is beside herself: “Get out of the class and don’t come back without your parents.” Let’s continue the lesson. Who knows why cancer has big eyes? Vovochka (already at the door)
– The cancer was just nearby and saw it all.

The biology teacher asks:
– When should you pick apples? Petya:
– In August! Masha:
– In September! Vovochka, with the air of an expert:
– When the dog is tied!

The nurse gives Vovochka a painful injection.
– Be patient. I’ll vaccinate you and you won’t get sick. “I may not, but I’ll definitely be an ass!”

The principal walks around the school, looks, Vovochka walks under the classroom door and says something:
– Vovochka, what are you doing here?!
– Where is the logic?! Where is the logic?!
– What’s happened?
– Well, where is the logic??! I farted in class, they kicked me out, but they stayed there!!! WHERE IS THE LOGIC?!