Teacher:
– Guys, name the antonym of the word “worthy.” Vovochka:
– Sucks.

Teacher:
– Vovochka, what are you doing there in the corner? Vovochka:
– I’m protecting the flowers, Marya Mikhailovna.

At the most interesting moment, Vovochka enters the parents’ room. Dad asks:
– Vovochka, who do you want: a brother or a sister?
– Hippopotamus!
– It won’t work.
– Get off, let me try.

Teacher:
– Vovochka, tell me quickly how much 5 + 8 is.
– 23.
– Shame on you for being so stupid! It will be 13, not 23.
– So you asked me to answer quickly, not accurately.

– Vovochka, what did you do in kindergarten today?
– Pissed.
– How did you pee?
– Boys from faucets, girls from nothing, and Marya Ivanovna from a big red brush.

Dad puts Vovochka to bed. Vovochka:
– Dad! What’s hanging on the wall in your living room? Dad:
– I inherited this from my grandfather! Saber! Vovochka:
– What the fuck?! Dad:
– Sleep damn! Damn it!

Before going to bed, mom says to Vovochka: “Vovochka, let me wash your pussy.” And Vovochka asks: “Let my grandmother wash it for me.” Her hands are shaking.

MaryVanna:
– Summing up the results of 8 years of study, I would like to note the most laconic essay on the topic “What would I like to become in the future.” Tell me, Vovochka, did you come up with this yourself, or did Borka suggest it again?

Vovochka has finally finished school, all that remains is to go to graduation and that’s it. Well, he warns his father: “Pa, if I come back drunk, don’t hit me.” The father listened and said: “Well, it’s graduation after all, I studied at school for 15 years, so you don’t have to beat me on this occasion.” In the morning Vovochka wakes up all wounded and beaten.
– Dad, you promised not to hit me! “So I put up with it when you called me an old bastard, I put up with it when you called my mother a slut, but when you shit a pile in the middle of the carpet and inserted matches into it and said, “It’s a hedgehog and he’ll now live with us, I couldn’t stand it!”

In the morning Vovochka comes up to her mother: “Mom, mom, why did dad crap himself tonight?”
– Where did you get the idea? “And when I walked past your room at night, I heard you say to him: “How long will I crumple this crap in my hands?”