Nowadays, people in a good mood can be registered either in the Red Book or in a drug dispensary.

Migration Service, having caught a Tajik guest worker:
– If you are in Russia illegally, we will send you back to your homeland. Are you an illegal immigrant? The migrant worker thought: “Si, senor.”

A student who came home for the holidays:
– Mom, fry me some homemade cutlets.
– What should I do for the side dish, son?
– Goulash.

It’s good to have your own lawyer. Even better
– your own prosecutor.

Two girlfriends are keeping secrets.
– I got pregnant at this damn resort! I’m afraid that a baby with dark skin will be born…
– Is Seryoga a racist?

The headmistress, giving a speech at the graduation ceremony, distinguished herself: when presenting the certificate, she was required to say something good and approving about each graduate. But her inspiration dried up pretty quickly. Another graduate rises to the stage of the assembly hall. The headmistress says:
– Lenochka Sidorova came to our school as a girl… Pause…
– Then she became a girl… The headmistress hangs out here. Voice from the audience:
– We are interested, continue!

– Mom, but the doctor hurts the person?
– Yes, son, that’s his job.
– Can you hurt him in return?
– Of course not.
– Mom, I want to be a doctor.

I’m looking for a handsome young man with blue eyes who passionately hugged me on the minibus so that I wouldn’t fall. GET YOUR PHONE BACK, BITCH!!!

After the attackers removed the wheels from Sergei’s “penny”, he drove on bricks for another six months without noticing the difference.

The carpenter went to heaven. He meets God there and starts talking. God says:
– How I envy you… The carpenter says:
– Why?!
– Because your stools don’t run after you and don’t constantly ask: give me money, give me health, give me happiness!