Judge:
– I just can’t understand how you could knock out all 5 teeth with one blow to the face?
– Very elementary. Would you like me to demonstrate it to you now?

The essence of insurance is that people who are lucky pay for the failures of people who are unlucky.

A young couple is going to a nightclub:
– Vadik, where did my favorite evening dress go?
– Lucy, you won’t go in it!
– Come on, unclench your fist…

– Hello, mom, it seems to me that I’m starting to give birth!
– Daughter, calm down! Did you call an ambulance?
– Yes, mom…
– Have you packed your things?
– Yes, I took the laptop, I took the charger…

To the teacher’s question: “Why weren’t you in class?” 97% of students will answer: “I was sick”, 2%
– “I overslept”, 1% will remain silent. And only I was able to answer in front of everyone: “Darling, well, you didn’t wake me up yourself…

A woman weightlifter is asked: “Are you afraid of rape?”
– I’m a woman, of course, I would like to be afraid…

– Girl, you’re wearing so much makeup… Aren’t you hot?

Pensioner Klavdiya Petrovna relieves pressure with a shovel.

– Poor guy, he still hasn’t gotten married!
– He will be rich!

– The drum is fully loaded, the gun is ready for battle. It’s time to clean up this mess.
– Seriously? You can’t even turn on the washing machine without pathos?