My wife and I thought for a long time about what to do during the May holidays…? My son
– a real man
– helped out… brought an intestinal virus from kindergarten… Fucked up the whole weekend!!!

A firefighter, risking his life, took a bag with a million dollars from a burning bank. Where the hero is now is still unknown.

I just brought my little one (4 years old) home from kindergarten. The teacher reported that the baby was swearing. “With the letter “b.” After a pause, she added: “True, to the point…”

The principal walks around the school, looks, Vovochka walks under the classroom door and says something:
– Vovochka, what are you doing here?!
– Where is the logic?! Where is the logic?!
– What’s happened?
– Well, where is the logic??! I farted in class, they kicked me out, but they stayed there!!! WHERE IS THE LOGIC?!

Grandma, seeing me talking to friends on Skype, went to talk to the president on TV

A gay pride parade took place in Moscow, journalists, Orthodox activists, police, nationalists and various other fagot races gathered. The gays didn’t come!

Two friends are walking down the street. Suddenly one grabs the other’s hand: “Hurry up, let’s leave!”
– What’s happened?
– My wife is standing on the other side and talking to my mistress. The friend looked and said: “Calm down, it’s my wife talking to my mistress.”

In the minibus there is a mother with a child of about 5 years old. The child begins to read the poem: “Mom is sleeping, she’s tired… The mother, filled with pride for the child, breaks into a smile, the child continues: “And dad’s pussy is up, to put the pussy down, you have to wake up mom.”

Winter . Ski slope. On the slope, a skier is in full equipment: goggles, helmet, fashionable suit. It rushes down the slope and, having jumped on the springboard, falls head over heels and crashes into a tree. He gets up: his poles are bent, his skis are broken, his suit is in tatters, his glasses are broken, his whole face is bloody and his teeth are missing. He shakes himself off, looks up at the top of the descent and says: “Fuck! It’s still better than at work!”

– Roza Moiseevna… Take your cat… He again feigned a hungry faint at the fish department.