Two men are talking: “Yesterday I bought a vibrator for my wife in a sex shop with a guarantee.”
– How is this?
– Well, the master said that if it breaks, I won’t have to do anything
– he’ll come and do everything himself.

The louder a girl laughs at a man’s jokes, the longer she has not had sex.

A girl with a big hangover complains to her friend: “The head after yesterday feels the same as the butt after long anal sex: it’s pleasant to remember, but to use it for its intended purpose is painful!”

– Will you treat the lady to a glass of white wine?
– Oh, no, I’ve been cleaning the house for a long time.
– What does this have to do with…
– If it doesn’t, then there’s no point in offering a treat.

At the disco.
– Girl, come to me!
– Why?
– Well… let’s drink coffee… watch a movie…
– Nope, a guy here offered me sex, I’d better go to him.

Two big misconceptions of humanity: 1. Sex, like in porn. 2. Love, like in the movies.

Sex with your ex is as good as your favorite shoes: they fit perfectly and you feel good in them, but you still need to break in new ones.

The girls are so cute, you ask what they are thinking about, but the answer is “nothing”, but in my head “I want sex, I haven’t eaten for a long time, die, you idiot”

Conversation between a programmer and his wife:
– Have you heard that in 10-15 years it will be possible to have sex with a computer?
– What do you care? Nothing will change for you…

– Dim, what were you doing before the baby was born?
– Sex.