A young teacher complains to her friend: “One of my students completely tormented me: he makes noise, hooligans, disrupts lessons!”
– But does he have at least one positive quality?
– Unfortunately, there is: he doesn’t miss classes.

Children are wonderful: no matter where you sit, there’s a cube in your ass.

Mother and daughter play doctor. The daughter, a patient, lies down on the sofa. Mom is a doctor, I take the tools from the doctor’s kit and sit down on the sofa: “So, what are we complaining about?”
– To my grandmother.

A very young boy and girl are looking at Brehm’s book “The Life of Animals”. And suddenly they start arguing.
– Maybe!
– It can’t!
– Maybe!
– It can’t. Let’s go ask grandma. They come running to the kitchen.
– Grandma, can you have children?
– Well, my dears, of course not.
– I told you that she is a male.

During the lesson, the teacher asks: “Children, what excites a person most?”
– The body of a naked woman!
– answers the excellent student sitting at the first desk.
– Get out of class! And bring your father tomorrow! The next day, the excellent student came alone and sat at the last desk.
– Why didn’t you bring your father? Why did you sit at the last desk?
– asks the teacher.
– My father said that if you are not turned on by a naked woman, then you are sick, and you should stay away from you!

The girl asks her mother: “Mom, where do you put the tampon?”
– Well, how can I tell you… Well…, to where children come from.
– What about a stork?

Two friends met. One tells the other: “We recently bought an elephant.” Now life is just a miracle: he is so cute, he rides the children on his back, waters the flower beds with his trunk, helps with the housework, his wife likes it, the children are delighted! “Sell,” the second one lit up.
– No, I can’t. He is already like a member of the family. “Well, please,” the second one persuades.
– Well, take it! A week later we met again.
– Well, how?
– asked the first one. “Everything is bad: he eats a lot, shits even more, he trampled all the flower beds, the children are scared, the wife is crying…” “Yes,” concluded the first, “with such a mood you won’t sell the elephant.”

Teacher in class:
– Remember, children, that we live on earth to work. Vovochka:
– Then I will become a sailor.

While putting the children to bed, the mother barked at them so much that even the neighbors on the floor above made their bed and lay down.

– Mr. Shoigu, why are there no children of government members and State Duma deputies on the mobilization lists? -Have you not read the decree? Mobilization concerns only citizens of the Russian Federation.