– Honey, where do children come from?
– How, dear, didn’t your mother really tell you about pistils, stamens and storks when you were a child?! “I’m asking you, where do our children come from if I have a certificate of infertility?!”

Children’s country camp. Evening lights out. Children with phones. Someone listens to music, someone sends text messages. Counselor:
– Everyone handed over their phones to me! In the morning, the counselor’s cry: “You bastards!” It turned out that each child, before handing over her mobile phone, set an alarm clock on it
– for 2:00, 2:15, 2:30… and so on until the morning…

TV show “Oh, lucky guy!” The new Russian got to the last question:
– Which of the listed birds does not build nests: thrush, robin, cuckoo, pheasant? The new Russian asks to “call a friend.” A friend tells him: “Cuckoo.” And the new Russian wins a million. They wash this matter, and the new Russian asks his sidekick how he knew the correct answer:
– Well, you give it, bro! Even children know that cuckoos live in clocks!

The teacher comes into the classroom and says: “Here is our new student.” Meet Semyon Mudakov. The whole class is crying with laughter:
– Mudakov! Mudakov… One boy falls from his chair and hits the floor in hysterics, saying: “Oh, I can’t, Mudakov!” Teacher:
– That’s it, children, calm down!! P*zdoglazov got up from the floor.

Kindergarten “Trudovik”. If you want to sleep, build a bed.

Biology lesson. The theme is sea fish.
– Children, who knows why flounder is so flat? Vovochka:
– Because the whale raped her!
– Get out of class!!!.. Children, why do sea bass have such big eyes? Vovochka (at the door)
– And he saw it all!

Vladimir Putin loves children very much. Especially the children of Yuri Chaika and Arkady Rotenberg.

Test. The teacher closely monitors the students and from time to time expels those who notice spurs. The head teacher looks into the class:
– Are we writing a test? There are probably a lot of pee lovers here! The teacher answers: “No, the amateurs are already outside the door.” Only professionals remain here.

My wife says I love one of our children more than the other. This is not true, I love Andrey and the other one equally.

A little girl comes home from school and says: “Mom, can you imagine, Valerka kissed me right on the lips during recess!” Mom, half indignant, half amazed, asks: “And how did this happen?!”
– Lenka and Svetka were holding him!