A family comes to a restaurant. After eating, the father pays, and the mother says to the waiter: “Do you mind if we collect the leftovers from the table and take them home to the dog?” Waiter:
– Yes, of course, please! Children, joyfully, in chorus:
– Hurray! They’ll buy us a dog!

Teacher:
– Children, I checked your essays yesterday. Everything is fine, but for some reason Vovochka wrote “the birds are flying south.” Vovochka, why the hive?
– Well, how? Everyone cursed, so here are the stewards.

The husband decided to leave the woman. Ugly, they say. Then she told him: “Let’s do it this way.” You will follow me around the city and if at least one guy doesn’t look at me, you can leave me. The husband thought about it and agreed. He was very surprised when he saw that ALL the men he met turned around after his unsightly wife. Even the cars slowed down. As a result, the family survived and two children grew up. At the age of 60, my wife admitted: “Darling, I stuck my tongue out at all the men then…

Literature lesson. Teacher:
– Well, children, we read Chekhov’s story “Vanka”. You understand that now, of course, children don’t write such letters. Vovochka stands up: “It’s not true, yesterday I myself saw Izya Shikhman write in class: “Dear grandfather, Solomon Moiseevich, take me away from here…”

The child is five years old. I ask: “What is the difference between Father Frost and Santa Claus?” Answers:
– Father Frost lives with the Snow Maiden, and Santa Claus lives with a deer!

The cat is lying in the yard. The hostess walks by and says: “I ate, walked, slept, I wish I had such a life!” The cat thinks:
– She drowned my children, sterilized my wife, castrated me… You should have such a life…

Teacher:
– Now, if I give you a rabbit, then two more rabbits, and then three more rabbits! How much will it be? Student:
– Seven! Teacher:
– Listen carefully! First one rabbit, then two more and then three more. How many? Student:
– Seven! Teacher:
– Soooo! Let’s do it differently! One apple plus two apples, plus three more apples! How much is it? Student:
– Six! Teacher:
– Well, finally! And a rabbit plus two rabbits plus three rabbits! How many? Student:
– Seven! Teacher:
– Well, why?!! Student:
– And I already have one rabbit!

At a zoology lesson. The teacher shows the snake to the children: “Well, children, who can tell me what kind of animal this is?”
– Hedgehog !
– No, Mashenka!
– Hamster!
– Wrong, Petya! Well, Vovochka, what do you think? Vovochka, stroking the snake: “This is what the school brought Snake Gorynych to.”

At school. Teacher:
– Okay, children, today we have a test. Student:
– Can I use a calculator?
– Yes. Another student:
– What about Bradis tables?
– Can. So, children, write down the topic of the test: “Abolition of serfdom”

Cheburashka and Gena are robbing Detsky Mir. Cheburashka looks at things.
– Crocodile, should I take my coat?
– Yes!
– Should I take my hat?
– Yes!
– Should I take the shoes?
– Yes!
– And they contain garbage.
– Clean it!
– I can’t, he caught me by the ear!