In elementary grades, parents ask their children:
– What grade did you get? In the middle ones:
– Did you ask a lot? And in the older ones:
– Have you been to school?

Crocodile Gena and Cheburashka wanted to steal a string bag from the window. Cheburashka climbed up, and the crocodile was waiting below. A policeman approaches: “What are you doing here?”
– We are hanging gifts for the New Year!
– Did you survive, crocodile?
– Sorry? Hm. OK. Hey Cheburashka! Take off the gifts!

– Mom, where do birds get their chicks?
– Don’t you know? The bird sits in the nest on the testicles for a long time, warming them with its warmth. And then the shell cracks and the chicks are born!
– Yes, I know everything!
– the daughter says irritably.
– You better tell me where they get the eggs?!

The clown, after returning from work, scolds his children for some offense, and they roll on the floor laughing. His wife says to him: “Syoma, before you scold the children, you should wash off your makeup…

In chemistry class. Children mix different solutions. The teacher asks: “Masha, what color is your solution?”
– Red.
– That’s right, 5!
– Sonechka, what color is your solution?
– orange.
– Not quite right. Sit down 4!
– Vovochka, what color is your solution?
– BLACK!!!!!
– Sit down 2! Class LIEEEEE!!!

There is a social studies lesson at school. The teacher asks the students:
– What types of money are there? One student answers: “Metal.” Another:
– Paper.
– That’s right, children. Here Vovochka holds out her hand.
– There are also wooden ones!
– Who told you such nonsense?
– But dad said that our neighbor bought herself a fur coat for two sticks…

My niece asked why there are only adult pigeons on the street and not one small one? She has already forgotten about her question, and I have been tormented for a week: where the hell are these insidious birds hiding their children?!

Children talk about what is the fastest thing in the world. Girl:
– The fastest thing in the world is a word. You tell him, but you won’t have time to catch him. Boy:
– The fastest thing is electricity. You press the switch and immediately the light comes on. Vovochka thought for a moment and said: “Well, I don’t know.” I had diarrhea here, so I didn’t have time to say a word or turn on the light!

– Children, who brought the rat to school?!
– And this is not a rat, this is an Australian dachshund!
– I don’t care
– the cat ate it, so it’s a rat!

After going to church, a young family decides to go to the cinema and leave their 4-year-old child with an atheistic mother-in-law. We returned from the cinema and my mother-in-law was running around the apartment in hysterics, inaudibly muttering that she was going to confession starting tomorrow.
– What’s happened?
– asked the father-in-law.
– The child follows me all day long and says: “Pray and repent.” Now the mother-in-law regularly goes to church, but they never told her that the child asked to stage the film “The Kid and Carlson”