Emergency in kindergarten
– children swearing. We assembled a commission to solve this problem and it turned out that a few days before the emergency, a team of plumbers was working in the kindergarten. Well, they called them on the carpet and asked them to explain everything. Well, one says: “I’m standing and holding a stepladder, and Kolya is welding a pipe.” At this moment, molten metal is dripping down my collar, so I say to him: “Kolya, don’t you see that hot metal is falling down my collar? Please don’t do this!

The American calls the Russian: “Ivan, oh horror, it’s minus forty outside!” I’m standing at a bus stop and I’m about to freeze to death! What do you do in such cold weather when there is no bus for a long time?
– Men drink beer, children eat ice cream…

At the Russian lesson.
– Children write down the sentence: “There is a mouse scratching in the corner.” Vovochka:
– Maryivanna, Maryivanna, who is Vugluskr?

Announcement at the university: “Men are teachers! Do not smoke on the floor where the majority of students are girls, expectant mothers.” Below is a handwritten note: “Perhaps your children.”

The boy was given a drum for his birthday. He tormented all the neighbors
– in the morning: “Bam! Bam” Bam!” The neighbors complain to their parents, but they say nothing: the son makes noise during the day, not in the evening, let him play. And only one old wise neighbor did not swear, he called the boy on the street and asked: “Do you know what’s inside the drum?” The boy didn’t bother anyone else…

The family gets into the car. The child asks: “Why aren’t we going?”
– Because it’s cold outside, we’re warming up the car. And then the child said: “Butts or something…?!”

The children and the teacher took a photo. She convinces them to buy each a photograph:
– Imagine how great it is
– when you are already adults, look at the photo and say: “But this is Mashenka, she is now an actress. And this is Petechka, he is now a doctor…” Then Vovochka’s voice is heard from the back desk: “And this is Mary Ivanovna, she died a long time ago…”

After the magical phrase “It’s time to go to bed,” children are attacked by dryness, hunger and constipation.

Don’t know how to put your kids to bed? A glass of cognac! A glass of cognac
– and to hell with them, let them not sleep!

Vovochka systematically skipped chemistry classes. At the final exam, he was given the task: To experimentally prove the properties of nitric acid. The global network came to the rescue. The first thing the search server returned was an article about obtaining nitroglycerin… This was the last graduation from the school.