You can’t put children in a corner. Especially if there is a joint of wallpaper.

The kids at school had a bet about what was the fastest thing in the world. Tanechka says: “I said the quickest word, but I can’t take it back!” Vanechka says: “The fastest is light!” I just turned it on and it’s already on! Vovochka answered: “I had diarrhea here, so I didn’t have time to say a word or turn on the light…

This year my daughter Katya went to 1st grade. The first parent-teacher meeting, the teacher asked the parents to take their children’s seats, I went up to my daughter’s desk, and an unfamiliar man was already sitting in my place, the seat next to me was empty. I sat down next to him. Well, I think it’s probably the dad of Katya’s neighbor at the desk, we need to get to know each other, after all, the children study together. I began to introduce myself to him: “I’m Katya’s mom!” His answer put me in a state of shock: “And I’m Katya’s dad!” Only then did I realize that there were four Katyas in the class.

The teacher explains division to the children. She wrote 2:2 on the board and asked: “Children, who knows what this means?” Vovochka:
– Draw!

– Lesha, you have a wonderful essay!
– says the teacher
– But why didn’t you finish it?
– Because dad was urgently called to work.

The singing teacher, entering the class:
– Where is my chair? The class is silent. “Then everyone stand up.” We will spend the entire lesson learning the national anthem.

What is the difference between a Tsar and a President? The king knows that if he plunders the country, then there will be nothing left for his children. The President knows that if he does not plunder the country, there will be nothing left for his children.

Atheism lesson. “Children,” says the teacher, “we will now see that there is no God.” Let’s all look at the sky together and point a fig there. Everyone looked and showed. Only Moishe did not show it.
– Why?
– the teacher asked Moisha. “Well,” Moishe answered, “if there is no God, then there is no God, and if there is, then why follow the principle?”

Two Odessa women are talking: “He started walking early.” At four he was reading. At five he recited Pushkin, Pasternak, Brodsky. And at six he was already playing the violin with all his might.
– Wow, what a capable child you have!
– What does this have to do with the child? I’m telling you about our neighbor Yakov Solomonovich how he didn’t let us sleep in the mornings on weekends!

Armenian kindergarten:
– Children, a spoon for mom!
– Nooo!
– Children, a spoon for dad!
– Nooo!
– Spoon for beautiful girls!
– Waaay! cham, cham, cham.