The teacher asks the class:
– Children, which bird does not build nests? “Cuckoo,” Vovochka answers.
– Why?
– Because she is sitting on the clock.

Son Mikhail (3 years old):
– Dad, don’t kill the mosquito. Suddenly it’s Prince Guidon flying!

Blonde:
– Are you offended?
– I never take offense at fools, children and women.
– So you think I’m also a fool?! “I don’t even know what to answer you now…

The shawarma seller, changing his child’s diapers, added salad and mayonnaise out of habit.

Vovochka asks her father: “Dad, how do children appear?”
– Have you already covered stamens and pistils at school?
– Yes.
– Well, it’s the same here, you just need some more convincing…

The teacher asks all the children to bring a songbird to class. The next day the children brought nightingales, conures, and Vovochka a snake.
– Vovochka the snake doesn’t sing at all, why did you bring it?
– Sings, sings
– smack smack with the snake’s head on the desk.
– Snowfall, snowfall.

I send my son to pick up a bag of groceries from the car. I give the keys and say: “Do you remember how the trunk opens?”
– Actually, I taught you how to open it!

Children, don’t believe your parents when they say: “When you’re 18, you’ll become whatever you want.” I’m already well into my 20s, and I’m still not Batman.

– Olezhka, what will you do if hooligans attack you?
– But I’m not afraid of them! I know judo, karate, aikido and other scary words.

English lesson. The teacher asks the students:
– Ivanov, do you speak English?
– FAQ?
– Sit down, “3”.
– Petrov, do you speak English?
– FAQ?
– Sit down, “3”.
– Sidorov, do you speak English?
– Yes, sure and so what?
– FAQ?!