Paradox: at school, teachers demand knowledge from students in all subjects, but they themselves know only one.

Teacher:
– I don’t like the way you write the letter “s”. She looks like your “e”! Student:
– I don’t like the way you write 5! She looks like a 3…

Conversation with a three-year-old daughter:
– How does the cockerel talk?
– Ku-ka-re-ku!
– How does the cow talk?
– Moo!
– How does the frog speak?
– Kwa-kwa!
– How does the goat speak?
– Me-e-e-e!
– How does piggy talk?
– Good night, girls and boys.

Today my three-year-old daughter gives her dad a pear: “Dad, eat!” He takes the pear from her and begins to eat. She, looking at him with resentment, again insistently: “Dad, eat!” He is confused and begins to eat more actively. The daughter is almost in tears: “Dad!” Eat! He told her: “Daughter, what’s the matter, I’m eating!” ?
– Dad, take the knife and eat me into pieces!

After watching a patriotic film, the teacher asks the children who liked who. One is a soldier’s feat, another is how a nurse saved a wounded man. And Vovochka says: “And I liked the drug addict the most.”
– What a drug addict. There were no drug addicts there.
– He was, he kept dragging his breath and saying: “You have a good plan, Comrade Zhukov!”

I’m sitting at a children’s birthday party and watching a tipsy animator work. Here is one of his masterpieces:
– Children, let’s call our birthday boy! Saaasha, Saaasha, Saaasha! Oh, here he comes. Sasha, what’s your name?…

For a year, every lesson, the geography teacher asked to show Italy until the children chipped in for new boots.

– Children, write down the sentence: “There is a mouse scratching in the corner.”
– Marvann, who is Skr?
– TFR, Vovochka, this is the investigative committee of Russia.

Football players of the Russian national team visited an orphanage. “It’s terrible to see these faces in which not even a shadow of faith and hope is visible,” six-year-old Vovochka said after their visit.

If you don’t have children yet, are you a lark or a night owl? And then
– that’s it, you’re a zombie.