Vovochka fell off the sofa and a bump appeared on his forehead.
– Don’t cry!
– his younger sister consoled him.
– Let me beat her back.

Vovochka asks her mother: “Why does daddy have so little hair?”
– Because he is very smart.
– Why do you have so much?
– Eat and shut up.

History lesson at school. The teacher explains: “The Battle of the Ice took place in 1242 on Lake Peipsi.” Our Russian soldiers were opposed by German knights. For the decisive battle they stood up as a “pig”. Then the bell rings… The next day the teacher asks:
– Well, who will tell you about the Battle of the Ice? No takers? Vovochka, to the board!
– The Battle of the Ice took place in 1242 on Lake Peipus… Our Russian soldiers were opposed by German knights…
– How did they get up for the decisive battle?
– I don’t know, Maryivanna…
– Well, what animal can you remember?
– Maryivanna, I remembered! For the decisive battle they stood doggy style!

– Vovochka, admit it, who wrote this essay for you?
– I don’t know, honestly! I went to bed early, Mary Ivanna.

“Vovochka,” asks the holy father, “do you pray before eating?”
– No, my mother is a good cook.

– Vovochka, look out the window, is dad coming back from the tavern?
– He’s already coming back!
– Which side of the street is he on?
– On both!

Lesson at school for downs. The teacher asks:
– How much is two or two? The girl gets up and says: “Five hundred thousand.” “Sit down, you fool, two,” says the teacher. The boy gets up and says: “Tuesday.”
– Sit down, moron, two. Vovochka gets up and says: “Four.”
– Well done, says the teacher, five, how did you count?
– Five hundred thousand minus Tuesday equals four.

– Vovochka, why didn’t you do your homework?
– asks the teacher.
– Yes, at our house mother and father constantly quarrel.
– Your mother saw it, but who is your father?
– This is what they find out all the time…

Vovochka returns from school. His father asks him: “Well, what did you do in drawing class today?”
– We drew mom.
– How, again?! You drew pictures of mothers in the last and the lesson before last?
– Well, I don’t know
– the teacher comes in and says:
– Draw quickly, motherfucker!

A student in an anatomy lesson asks the teacher:
– Tell me, please, what is the difference between a man and a woman? Teacher:
– Tell me, Vovochka, what size are your dad’s feet?
– 44.
– What about your mother?
– 38.
– So, remember Vovochka, there is a difference between their legs…