The teacher complains to Vovochka’s father: “Your son called me a prostitute!” Father scolds Vovochka: “What is this, you ungrateful son of a bitch!” Is your teacher teaching you? Teaches! Does he care about you? Cares! What the hell is your business what she does after work?!

Vovochka and dad are watching a western. “Dad,” asks Vovochka, “why do Indians paint their faces?”
– So they are preparing for war in order to look more terrible and intimidate the enemy! The next morning Vovochka bursts into her parents’ bedroom screaming: “Dad!” Dad! Hide! Grandma is going to war there!

– Vovochka, get dressed, we will take you to your grandparents.
– Mom, I don’t want to go to them!
– Vovochka, come quickly, otherwise we’ll be late.
– But it’s so boring there!
– Vovochka, don’t be capricious, it’s 8 o’clock now, and at 5 we’ll pick you up.
– Well, what am I going to do until 5 o’clock in the cemetery?

– Son, why did you tell everyone about how the math teacher and the physical education teacher kissed?! “She asked for it herself.”
– How are you?
– She told me, “Vovochka, why are you laughing in the back row? Tell everyone, we’ll laugh too.”

– Vovochka, what would you like to become in the future? “I would like to continue the work of our family, but the shameful wolves took away the moonshine still.”

Mom asks Vovochka: “Why did you come home from school so early today?” “Because I was the only one who managed to answer the teacher’s question.”
– What a fine fellow you are! And what was that question?
– “Who threw a pencil case at the director?”

During the lesson, the teacher asks the children:
– Petya, what can you get from a chicken?
– Meat.
– Masha, what can you get from a chicken?
– Testicles.
– Well, Vovochka, what do you say?
– Don’t know.
– Well, what do you sleep on?
– On the bench.
– What do you put under your head?
– Felt boots.
– Well, what does your dad sleep on?
– On the floor.
– What’s under his head?
– Second felt boot!
– Well, what does grandfather sleep on?
– On the stove!
– And under his head?
– Pillow!
– Well, what can you get if you cut your grandfather’s pillow?
– Pindyulei!

Vovochka’s dad got married for the second time and asks his son: “Well, how do you like your new mother?” Vovochka answers: “Dad, you were cruelly deceived, she’s not that new.”

– Tell me, Vovochka… what happens in the animal world when cold weather sets in?
– Birds are flying to Africa!
– When does global warming occur?
– Blacks are going to Arkhangelsk!

Vovochka is leafing through an erotic magazine under her desk during labor class. The indignant teacher takes it away with the words: “I want to see your mother tomorrow!”
– What should we expect tomorrow? Look, look right at the spread!