– Vovochka, don’t drink hot tea!
– Why? “If your bladder bursts, you’ll burn your legs!”

Vovochka comes home and says: “Grandma, I’m getting married!” Grandmother:
– Who, Vovochka?
– On Bor.
– You can’t go to Bor, Borya is a Jew!

Vovochka comes to the doctor, the doctor gives him a pill, Vovochka asks: “Doctor, I’m just wondering why the pill has a groove in the middle?” The doctor answers: “When patients don’t want to take pills, we screw them up their ass with a screwdriver.”

And again in class. Teacher:
– What do you think will happen if an all-destroying ball crashes into an indestructible wall? Vovochka:
– Vodka will rise in price, Maryvann! Teacher:
– Why is that? Vovochka:
– And my dad always says:
– This always happens in life
– first some incomprehensible garbage happens, and then vodka becomes more expensive!

A drug addict teacher conducts a lesson in Vovochka’s class: “Tell me, Lenochka, how do birds fly?”
– In shoals.
– In shoals! That’s FIVE!
– Tell me, Petenka, how do fish swim?
– In shoals.
– In shoals! That’s FIVE!
– Tell me, Vovochka, how do bears walk?
– In packs.
– In packs… that’s TWO! What’s your last name?
– Kosyakov.
– Kosyakov! That’s FIVE!

Vovochka brought 39 grandmothers across the road in one day. Winning numbers: 4, 11, 13, 21, 32…

At the zoo, mother to son:
– Vovochka, don’t touch the lion!!! He may have fleas.

Mommy, I did a good deed today.
– What is it, Vovochka?
– Two were late for the train. I let the dog down and they managed…

Mashenka complains to the teacher in class: “I went to the toilet during recess, and the boys were looking into the hole.” Vovochka makes excuses: “She’s lying, she was wearing panties.”

– Vovochka, you need to behave well. You see, the chickens behaved badly and were eaten by a fox. “I see!” answered Vovochka. “But if they had behaved well, we would have eaten them!”