Parent meeting. Director:
– So you are Vovochka Sidorov’s dad…
– I have to talk to you about your son’s immoral behavior during recess.
– All he does is run after girls!
– Just think, all the normal guys at his age are chasing girls! Director:
– With a chainsaw?!

Vovochka came home from school and said to his parents: “Mom, dad, we were given a math problem to come up with!” He goes into his room, and after half an hour comes out with a problem:
– The goose weighs 15 kilograms, and the pig weighs 100 kilograms.
– Vovochka, the problem should contain not only a condition, but also a question! Vova leaves again and returns half an hour later: “The goose weighs 15 kilograms, and the pig weighs 100 kilograms.” So what?!

Biology lesson in progress. The teacher brings in posters with bird tails. Calls Vovochka to the board and asks: “Vovochka, tell me, what kind of bird is this?” Vovochka looks at the teacher in confusion and answers: “Marya Petrovna, how can you recognize a bird by its ass!” Marya Petrovna got angry and said: “Tomorrow I’m going to school with my parents!!!” On to the next day the door in the teacher’s room opens, a naked man’s ass climbs in and a voice from behind the door:
– Come on, teachers, whose dad has come???

Four-year-old Vovochka sits thoughtfully, sad.
– Baby, what happened?
– I don’t want to grow up.
– What are you doing?! Being an adult is fun and interesting!
– Yes, first go to school, then to college, then to work. But I don’t know the way!..

Mom explains to five-year-old Vovochka what a herd and a flock are. The next day she asks: “When there are a lot of cows or sheep, what is it?” Vovochka thought for a minute: “School, or what?”

Little Vovochka doesn’t want to sleep. The father sits down by his crib and begins to tell him fairy tales. Tells an hour or two. Finally, silence reigns in the room. The mother quietly opens the door and asks: “Did he fall asleep?” “Yes, mom,” the son answers in a whisper.

At school, first-graders decorate the classroom for the New Year. The teacher asks Masha: “What are you doing, Mashenka?”
– I want to make snowflakes.
– What a great guy, Mashenka! Here’s some paper, here’s some scissors, cut it out! Well done, Mashenka, smart girl!!! What do you want to do, Petenka?
– I want to decorate the Christmas tree.
– Well done, Petenka! Here are some toys for you, decorate the Christmas tree! Well done, Petenka, smart girl!!! What are you going to do, Vovochka? “I want to throw yellow tape across the ceiling!” The teacher got upset and ran to the director. Brought him. The director asks:
– Vovochka, what did you say to your teacher that he was so upset?
– She asked what I would do to decorate the classroom for the New Year. I said that I wanted to throw yellow tape across the ceiling, but for some reason she was upset. The director turns to the teacher:
– Well, what don’t you like? If you don’t like the yellow one, screw the red one!!!

In the competition of children’s drawings on the asphalt, Vovochka won, drawing a circle.
– Viy took the rest of the participants.

The teacher called Vovochka’s parents and complained: “Your Vovochka wrote in his essay that we all descended from monkeys.”
– So what? Isn’t that right? “Maybe so, but the theme of the essay was: “Vladimir Putin is our dear father.”

His girlfriend comes to visit the grown-up Vovochka. Mashenka, the younger sister, opens the door: “Are you going to Vova’s?”
– Yes. -What’s your name?
– Kate.
– So you are the same bird in the hand?