During the lesson, the teacher asks: “Children, who are your dad or mom like?” Vitya: “My dad looks like Boyarsky, he has the same mustache.” Sveta:
– My mother looks like Pugacheva, she has the same hair. Vovochka:
– My dad looks like Sherlock Holmes. Because when he comes home, he goes to the toilet and shouts “Wa-a-a-tson!”

Putin wakes up in a cold sweat and screaming. The wife asks: “Vovochka, what happened?” And he says: “I just dreamed that Maskhadov was sitting on Red Square and eating matzo with Chinese chopsticks!”

Vovochka was very offended when, after additional one-on-one lessons, the teacher told him: “Unfortunately, unsatisfactory again.” Next time you will come with your father!

Teacher:
– Vovochka, I give you a two and you will have incest with a fagot!
– How is this so?
– Your father will fuck you for a bad grade!

The father, eldest son and little Vovochka are riding in the KamAZ cab. A large colorful poster hangs on the sleeping bag. The father says, turning to his eldest son, with a sly wink: “It wouldn’t be said in front of mom, I would fuck that blonde from the poster!” Eldest son:
– I would probably take a motorcycle! Suddenly Vovochka’s indignant cry is heard: “Hey, guys, why did I get a dog?!”

Vovochka says to Lenochka: “Yesterday in the toilet I came up with a new curse word!”
– Which?
– Skyscraper!
– And what’s offensive about that?
– Firstly, it’s sonorous, secondly, it’s multi-story, and thirdly, what’s the ending?!

Vovochka is sitting at the festive table, drinking tea and thinking about something… Suddenly he turns to his mother and asks:
– Mom, is it true that when water boils, all the microbes in it die?
– Yes, son… Then Vovochka vomits right on the table… Mommy:
– ?!!!
– So this is not tea! This is jelly made from corpses!!!

– Vovochka, I gave you a two for the test! You broke all the rules of addition, subtraction, multiplication…
– Marya Ivanovna! What the hell are the rules!??? Who checks like that!!!?? You don’t have a clue!!!

Vovochka is present at the trial where his parents are getting divorced. The judge asks him:
– Tell me, who would you like to live with
– with dad or with mom? Vovochka answers: “It depends on which of them gets the computer…

During a medical examination at school, the doctor asks Vovochka: “Do you have any complaints about your nose or ears?”
– Eat! They bother me when I put on a sweater.