The teacher asks me to write an essay in class. 30 seconds after the start, Vovochka gets up and hands her a piece of paper. The teacher thinks: “What did he write?” He opens the piece of paper and sees a single phrase: “First fuck!”

Mom sent Vovochka to the store and said… buy me three bras and two panties! He ran, tripped at the corner, fell and forgot what he needed to buy… He ran home and said: “Mom!” I forgot what to buy!
– Three bras and two panties… He ran and tripped again on the corner, fell and forgot what he needed to buy… He returned… And his mother said:
– Three bras, two panties… I won’t repeat it again…! He ran and fell again, and forgot again! And he thinks what he needs… then he remembered and ran further to the store! He runs in and says to the seller: “Please give me three sissies and two scribes!!!”
– Boy! Are you fucking crazy???
– Yeah! Three times on the turn!!!

– Vovochka, don’t put your hand in your panties!
– Vovochka, don’t pick your nose!
– Vovochka, don’t bite your nails, and in general, move away from the coffin!!!

Mom feeds Vovochka lunch. Vovochka asks her mother: “Why does dad have so little hair?”
– Because he thinks a lot.
– Why do you have so much?
– Shut up and eat!

Vovochka gives the old lady a stick that she dropped.
– Thank you, boy! How good you are though.
– You know, I’m not that good.
– Why?
– And I swear.
– How so?
– And so!…your mother.

Vovochka comes home wet from head to toe. Mom asks him: “Vova, why are you all wet?”
– Petya and I played dog.
– ???
– I was a tree.

The teacher asked the students to come up with arithmetic problems. He asks Tanechka: “Tanya, have you prepared a problem?”
– Yes.
– Then start!
– Yesterday I bought 5 bottles of cognac, and today I have left…
– That’s enough, sit down. He asks Vasya: “Vasya, are you ready?”
– Yes!
– Start!
– Since this morning I had 20 cigars in my pack…
– That’s enough, sit down. He asks Vovochka: “Vovochka, don’t you smoke?” “No,” Vovochka answers.
– Don’t drink? “No,” he says, “I don’t drink.”
– Then give me your task! Vovochka:
– The dealer had 5 ships of scoundrels…

Vovochka, still small, washes with his mother in the bathhouse. Seeing a curly triangle, he asks: “What is this?” “And this, you know, is a washcloth,” my mother answers, embarrassed. “Yeah, daddy’s is better,” Vovochka responds in a businesslike manner.
– Dad has a pen.

– So, Vovochka, I told you how your grandfather fought with the Nazis as part of the Ukrainian Front.
– Poor grandfather, but just…
– What?
– What did the rest of the soldiers of this front do?

Vovochka fell asleep on the sofa, and his father decided to put him in bed. He carefully took it into his arms, and my son said through his teeth: “Put it where you took it.”