In a math lesson in elementary school:
– No, Vovochka, you absolutely don’t know the subject! That’s why I put it in the journal… “logarithm 100 to base 10”
– Marivanna, a two for what???

Teacher:
– What happens if you cross a snake and a hedgehog? Vovochka:
– Two meters of barbed wire!

– Vovochka! Tell me how the ancient Jews lived? “Judging by the fact that they performed circumcision with stone axes, it’s simply terrible!”

Vovochka comes to class with a black eye, his teacher asks: “What happened, Vovochka?”
– You see, Marya Ivanovna, I sleep with my brother, and my brother slept with his girlfriend. So we lay down, and he said: “Are you sleeping?” I answer: “Yes,” and he hit me. The next day Vovochka comes to school with two black eyes.
– What happened this time, Vovochka?
– You see, I sleep with my brother, and he with his girlfriend. At night he says: “Are you sleeping?” I answer: “No.” Well, he hit me. The next day, Vovochka comes all beaten and bandaged and answers the same question: “You see, I’m sleeping with my brother, and he’s sleeping with a girl, so he asks: “Are you sleeping?” I’m silent. He again: “Are you sleeping?” I’m silent. Then he says to his girlfriend: “Push apart, let’s go.” And I ask: “Where are you looking at night?”

School . The teacher turns to Vovochka:
– Vovochka, name the capital of Norway.
– Oslo.
– And Denmark?
– Uh…
– I’ll give you a hint: Ko…
– Uh… Goat?

Vovochka comes home with a bad mark in physical education. Father asks why. Vovochka answers: “Yes, the physical education teacher asked me to cover the goat with mats…

Vovochka asks his mother: “Mom, who do I look like?”
– At me!
– Who are you looking for?
– To grandma!
– Well, what about grandma???
– For my great-grandmother!!!
– So, we’re all like nesting dolls with the same face!!!???

Vovochka received two points for the test. My father came to school to find out. The teacher tells him that your son copied everything from his neighbor: “Look, the question is: in what year was Pushkin born?” Masha writes correctly
– in 1799. And your son too.
– So what? Why can’t my son answer correctly?
– Look further. Question
– who wrote “War and Peace”? Masha writes
– Lermontov and Vovochka are the same.
– Why couldn’t they both be wrong?
– Well, let’s say. But the next question is: what plays did Chekhov write? Masha wrote: “I don’t know.” And Vovochka:
– Me too.

– How are things at school, son?
– Vovochka’s father asks.
– I don’t talk to the father of a poor student.

Vovochka watched an interview with Jane Psaki on TV and understood how to answer teachers’ questions if you don’t know anything.