– What if my parachute doesn’t open?
– The parachute handler will not receive a bonus.

The hydrometeorological center gave hope: there will be more snow in the summer.

The more patience you have, the longer you have to wait.

A boy with unconventional thinking asks his father for a Barbie to get a set of soldiers.

Shoigu is handling the strengthening of the ruble better than the Minister of Finance.

By decree of the President of Russia in connection with the adoption of the law on the unjustified use of foreign words in the Russian language, it is decided: Replace the term “President” with the term “Tsar”, the term “Deputy” with the term “Boyarin”, and the term “Term” with the term “Concept”.

– Is this your knife? Why do you need it?
– To you.
– What?
– A person with a knife should be addressed in a formal manner.

Optimism is the unwillingness to accept reality as it is.

Free advice is accepted as criticism, and paid advice is accepted as professional help.

Gopnik-dad is walking home from work in the evening and looks at Gopnik-son sitting on the asphalt near the house. He was all beaten up, covered in blood, had a cigarette stuck in his ears, and had his own cell phone stuffed into his mouth. Gopnik-dad is dumbfounded at this spectacle for a minute, then asks: “What, did you run into an intellectual?”
– M-m-m-m.
– Also wearing glasses, I guess?
– M-m-m-m-m!
– Moron. Cormorant. How many times have I told you: if a guy doesn’t piss walking around our neighborhood with glasses on, he’s more dangerous than a mad dog!