– Would you trade sex for 2 jars of jam?
– What kind of jam?

A sophisticated French woman, 3 months after the wedding, says to her husband, a Texas cowboy: “Sam, when you kiss me and don’t take out your gum, I tolerate it.” When we have sex and you don’t unfasten your Colt, I’ve come to terms with that too. But please, when we do 69, please take the cigar out of your mouth!

– Darling, let’s have sex!
– I’m very tired, my head hurts, my period is about to start…
– Sleep, sleep, I’m talking on the phone…

– Honey, let’s have sex…
– Do what you want, just don’t touch me!

Vovochka and Mashenka came home: they undressed, lay down on the bed, and just started having sex when mom and her boyfriend came in. Vovochka and Masha hid under the bed. And mom and her boyfriend are on the same bed. They fuck and fuck, and suddenly mom’s boyfriend’s dick crawls between the bars of the bed. Masha:
– Vovochka! What is it? Vovochka (reaches into the deep pocket of his pants, takes out a huge nut and tightens it on the lover’s penis):
– Dad will come and sort it out!

– Mash, let’s have threesome sex?
– ???!!!
– Or at least together… Otherwise I can’t do it alone!!!

The Viagra customer service phone rings. Operator:
– Yes, am I listening to you? Man:
– What should I do?
– What problems? Buy Viagra, read the instructions, take one tablet
– and you will know perfectly well what to do!
– I bought Viagra. My wife and I decided to have sex during the day. My daughter was sent to training. I took the drug.
– So what, it didn’t work?
– How it worked! But my daughter’s training was canceled and guests unexpectedly came. So I ask: What to do?!

An employee of “Phone Sex” was raped from an unknown number…

The woman decided to commit suicide. She is standing on the edge of a cliff, about to jump. A homeless man comes up and says: “You still want to commit suicide, so maybe we can have sex?”
– Fuck off, you dirty homeless man!
– Okay, okay… I’ll wait downstairs…

The trainer’s wife gets sugar every time after sex.