The couple did not have children for a long time. After 5 years, a child was born, but did not speak for a long time. Suddenly, at the age of 5, he said the first word
– baba. The next day the grandmother died. After another 5 years she said
– grandfather, the next day grandfather died. Another 5 years passed and finally the girl said
– dad, well, father, as expected, bought a coffin and all that, got dressed and lay down in the coffin. Then the wife comes in and says:
– Why are you lying down, you old goat?! Let’s go bury our neighbor!!!

Cheburashka dials Gena’s phone number: “Genka, we’ve received a parcel.” It contains ten tangerines. Eight for me and eight for you.
– Wait, Cheburashka, eight plus eight ten doesn’t work? “I don’t know, I ate my eight right away.”

The husband and wife watched enough erotic movies.
– Sarah, why don’t you scream in bed? Let you scream.
– OK then. Lay down. Sarah:
– Screaming already?
– No, wait a little longer.
– Well, what now?
– It’s still early.
– And now?
– Let’s shout!
– Oh, I don’t have any money! Oh, my children are not fed!

Night. Winter . Stop. A family with eight children and a blind man with a stick are standing at the stop waiting for the last bus. A crowded bus arrives. The wife and children got in, but the husband and the blind man had to cross on foot. They’re both angry. The blind man taps the sidewalk with a stick “clack-clack-clack.” “Listen,” says the man to the blind man, “I’m sick of your stick.” Wow, is it difficult to attach an elastic band to the end!?
– I don’t know about me, but if you had an elastic band at the end, we’d be sitting on a warm bus right now!!!

Two friends meet
– Semyon and Pavel. Semyon has 9 children, and Pavel only has two. Semyon asks: “How do you manage?” “It’s very simple, when my wife and I reach the climax, I pull hard on her pubic hair. She gets scared and… no children! Friends meet after six months. Semyon thanks Pavel for the good advice. But when Pavel wanted to congratulate him, Semyon sadly stopped him: “I don’t know what to do next.” My wife only has 14 days worth of hair left!

– Children, the topic of today’s lesson is the process of reproduction in humans… Children:
– Wow!… Hee-hee!… Ha-ha-ha!… Marya Ivanovna:
– Shame on you! Look how quietly Vovochka and Mashenka behave! Vovochka, have you gone through the “breeding process”?
– We’ve completed the process… Tomorrow we’ll go get the results…

– They say that in Ukraine they want to introduce a curfew for children. “It’s good that after 10 p.m. children on the streets won’t beat adults.”

The teacher in the class asks:
– Tell me, children, what arouses a person’s interest? Vovochka gets up from the first desk and says: “A man is turned on by the sight of a naked woman!”
– Vovochka! Get out of class and come to me with your father tomorrow! The next day, the teacher comes to class and sees Vovochka sitting in the back desk without her father. The teacher asks Vovochka: “Where is father, and why are you sitting in the back desk?” “My dad said that if you don’t get turned on by the sight of a naked woman, then you’re a homosexual and you should stay away from you!”

The beginning of the school year in an American school. The class teacher introduces the class:
– Children, we have a new student
– Shakiro Suzuki from Japan, meet. Now let’s start the lesson and see how well you know American history. Who said “Freedom or death”? There is dead silence in the class. Suzuki raises his hand: “Patrick Henry, 1775, Philadelphia.”
– Very good. And whose words: “The state is the people, and as such should never die”? Suzuki’s hand again:
– Abraham Lincoln, 1863, Washington. The teacher looks sternly at the class: “It’s a shame, children!” Suzuki is Japanese, but he knows American history better than anyone! At this moment, a quiet voice from the back desk: “Fucked the fucking Japs!” The teacher turns around sharply: “Who said it!!!” Suzuki jumps up and rattles off: “General MacArthur, after defeat by the Japanese landing in the Philippines, 1942.” With the class completely numb, an exclamation from Kamchatka: “Suck it!” The teacher walks in spots:
– Whoooo!!! Suzuki immediately jumps up:
– Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office, Washington, 1997. An indignant cry: “Suzuki is shit!!!” And not a second of delay:
– Valentino Rossi at the Grand Prix-Brazil motorcycle race in Rio de Janeiro, 2002!
– blurts out the Japanese! The class is hysterical, the teacher faints, the door swings open and an angry school principal appears:
– F*ck your mother! What a mess this is!!! Suzuki, who did not have time to sit down:
– President Yeltsin, meeting of the Russian Parliament, 1993!

Mom came to pick Vovochka from kindergarten. Goes up to the first floor
– a sign: “Good children, mom looks there and doesn’t find Vovochka.” A little embarrassed, he goes up to the second floor. She looks at the sign: “Bad children,” the mother, already somewhat upset, looks in, and to her surprise, she doesn’t find Vovochka… Fairly sad, she goes up to the third floor: “Well, very bad children, already resignedly looks inside… and there she didn’t find her beloved.” Nothing at all, mom goes up to the top floor and sees a sign:
– Vovochka.