Vovochka and her friends approach a respectable man on the street: “Uncle, let me light a cigarette!” “I’ll give you money if you say the magic word.”
– Do you want to hit the horn?!

– Mommy! A mouse fell into a bucket of milk!
– Well, did you catch her, Vovochka?
– No, I threw the cat into the bucket so that she would catch it…

Vovochka goes into the pharmacy and says: “Give me 10 packs of condoms.” The pharmacist responded:
– Firstly, condoms are not for children, and, secondly, let your father come and choose the size he needs. To which Vovochka says: “Firstly, condoms are not for children, but from children, and, secondly, these are not for dad, but for mom.” She’s going on vacation and doesn’t yet know what sizes it will be.

Vovochka disrupted the lesson of a young teacher.
– Let your parents come to school tomorrow!
– After classes, Vera Ivanovna, go to the director’s office, dad also wanted to get to know you better.

Vovochka in class:
– Marivana, is it true that Condoleezza means an infection?
– Come on, infection is a completely decent Russian word!

Vovochka is watching a TV commercial for Whiskas. The cat’s owner says: “Today I was informed that a kitten was born, very similar to me.” Vovochka:
– Well, there you go! I played with the cat, played, and finished the game!

School. Math lesson. The teacher asks:
– Vovochka, imagine that dad gave you 400 rubles, and you gave 100 rubles to Mashenka, 100 rubles to Lenochka and 100 rubles to Svetochka. What will you have left?
– Mashenka, Lenochka and Svetochka… Then gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia.

Vovochka comes home from kindergarten all scratched: his face, his hands, everything in short. The father asks: “Vovochka!” What’s happened???
– Yes, you understand, dad, we had a Christmas tree today, we danced around the tree…
– Why is it scratched?
– Yes, the Christmas tree was big, but there were few of us…

Vovochka and her father are walking down the street. Vovochka:
– Dad, what are the dogs doing there?
– They’re making a puppy. At night, Vovochka comes into her parents’ bedroom and asks: “Dad, what are you doing?”
– We’re making you a brother.
– Turn over and make a puppy.

M.I.
– Children, tell me who your dad is. Masha.
– My dad is a manager. M.I.
– Fine. What else? Vovochka.
– And my dad is a hacker! M.I.
– ? V.
– He was coded three times from drunkenness and broke the code three times.