The wolf dipped his tail into the river. Before he could say: “Catch a fish…”, he was nibbled by a school of piranhas.

Teacher:
– Children, let’s talk about geniuses today! Almost all of them could multitask!
– We were surprised!
– says Vovochka,
– by the way, you women, in principle, are not geniuses! You cannot stand on a stool and brush your teeth at the same time…
– We can!
– Masha interrupts him.
– … and piss in the sink!
– Vovochka finishes.

As children reason: If it’s mine, then it’s mine. If it’s yours, it’s mine. If I like it, then it’s mine. If I can take it away from you, it’s mine. If I think it’s mine, then it’s mine. If I saw it first, then it’s mine. If you held it in your hands, but then put it down, then it’s mine. If I held it in my hands, but then put it down, then it is still mine. If it looks like what I have at home, then it’s mine. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

The boy approaches the policeman: “Uncle policeman, crack the nut!” Shake…
– Here! A few minutes later everything repeats itself.
– Uncle policeman, crack the nut! “Listen, child, bring a whole bag, I’ll stab you with them in a flash.”
– Yeah, do you think they’re lying in bags in the trash?

Santa Claus sorts through letters from children, unpacks, reads to himself: “Hello, Grandfather Frost, the beard is from…” I already read that, what else is there.. “Hello, Grandfather Frost, Dima Petrov is writing to you for 5 years. Santa Claus, please do not pack this letter back and read it to the end, and it is best to read it not once, but twice! Santa Claus, this is not spam, This is a real way to make money…”

– What ways of raising children do you consider acceptable?
– In this regard, we completely rely on the Criminal Code.

– How grimy children can be!
– That’s for sure. Yesterday I had to wash three of them until I found mine!

– Borodulin, come to the board! Have you memorized the poem?
– I… This… What’s the name…
– Didn’t learn it? Sit down, two!
– For what? And they didn’t let me say the words!..
– Okay, start.
– What to start?
– Poem!
– I didn’t learn it.

A little boy returns from school and says to his father: “Dad, today I wrote about you in my essay.”
– Seriously? What was the topic?
– Topic: “My ideal, role model.”
– Well, I’m flattered, and what did you write there?
– Well, that you are strong, handsome, smart, polite. The touched father says: “Honestly, I didn’t know that I meant so much to you…” “No, I just don’t know how to spell it
– Arnold Schwarzenegger, Schwarzenegger, Schwartsnegger…”

The son was treated to an apple. He silently takes it and looks at me. Me:
– What should I say? -Did you wash it?