A few weeks after we met. “Darling, isn’t it time for you to introduce me to your family?”
– I don’t even know what to do. The children are now with the mother-in-law, and the wife is on vacation.

At school:
– The Civil War took place in 1812.
– Yes?! Maybe you can justify it?
– Well, Russian citizens fought with French citizens.

15% of excellent students who were admitted to Moscow State University based on the results of the Unified State Exam. Lomonosov, could not decipher the name of their university.

We are sitting at work. A co-worker’s five-year-old daughter calls and asks to call her mother to the phone. They answer her: “But mom isn’t there, she’s in the bank.” A long silence, followed by a question: “How did she get there?”

– Why do young mothers in Estonia change their children’s diapers only once a week?
– Because the package says “up to 4 kg”

One day, when I was only 4, my dad played war with me and pretended to be dead. I cried, and my mother came running to my cry. Seeing my dad’s winking corpse and me crying, she suggested throwing him out the window. After which I hugged my dad’s pseudo-corpse and killed everyone with the phrase: “Don’t throw it away. Let’s hide it under the bed. I’ll sometimes play with him.”

Shampoo advertisement on TV:
– Your shampoo solves only one problem, but mine solves as many as five! Alina (9 years old) answers the TV: “Well, that means you have more problems than we do.”

Children of deputies, ministers, governors, heads of Gazprom and Rosneft are a priori not subject to mobilization, because they did not serve in the Russian Army. This is all I understood from the Presidential decree.

The main reason for the increase in child cruelty is puzzles with 2000 pieces.

A conversation between a mathematics and physical education teacher at a school for blind children:
– Listen, Semyon Ivanovich, how did you teach the children to play football?
– It’s very simple, I put a bell inside the ball, the children hear the ball and hit it. it’s simple. Then a frightened grandmother with awesome eyes runs up to them and shouts: “Is that where your blind children play football?”
– Yes, but what do you have against blind children?
– Nothing, just a couple more minutes and they kicked my cow…