My brother comes up to me and says:
– Fix the train. I tell him: “Say the magic word.” He:
– Magic word. I told him: Vanya, the magic word starting with the letter “P”. Vanya:
– The magic word starting with the letter “P”. Fix the engine.

Passenger liner. 9000 meters above the ground. The plane falls into an air pocket… there was a good shake… screams, squeals… Stewardess:
– So, everyone calmed down quickly! Everyone sit down! I told someone… Stop running and climbing walls! Stop yelling! You, where are you burping… Well, there are bags for that… What are you doing? Have you shit yourself? Well, like children! Fuck… that’s it, sit down, calm down, buckle up! Everything… good… We took the helm in our hands… Well, finally! I’ll go while I calm down the passengers…

The first cry of the newborn child prodigy Sidorov sounded in five languages.

“Vorobiev,” said the teacher, “you didn’t do your homework again!” Why?
– Igor Ivanovich, we had no light yesterday.
– And what were you doing? Perhaps you watched TV?
– Yeah, in the dark…

Teacher:
– What kind of armor did the knights wear? Student:
– Armor, chain mail, muzzles…

Working with children is easy: just let them know that you are an even more dangerous and unpredictable psychopath than they are.

– Mom, how did you do at school?
– Of course, good.
– Yeah, I’ll grow up and I’ll say that too, but you tell me how it really happened.

Two girls are sitting in the sandbox and arguing:
– Spolim, my folder is different from yours? He is so tough
– he will take and buy all of Moscow. To which the second replies: “And my dad is so tough, so tough, he’ll take Moscow to your dad and won’t sell it to you!”

Vovochka and Tanechka are sitting on potties in kindergarten. The girl asks: “Who are you: a boy or not?”
– Don’t know. “You stand up, I’ll look and tell you.” Vovochka stood up, Tanechka said: “You’re a boy!”
– How did you find out? -Your socks are blue.

On a walk, a kindergarten passes a police station. The children noticed a huge display case with photographs of different people. Masha asks the teacher: “Whose photographs are these?” She answers seriously, because she believes that children cannot be deceived: “These are photographs of criminals.” The police are looking for them.
– Why?
– They broke the law. These are bad people. Masha thought about it and said: “It would be better if the police caught them and put them in prison than to take pictures and advertise them!”