A hacker reads a fairy tale to his grandson: “…he began to click on the goldfish…”
– Grandfather, why the fish? “And because, my friend, there were no mice then.”

A father calls home to inquire about the well-being of his seven-year-old son.
– How are you? What’s your temperature?
– Forty-three…
– It can’t be!
– Is it true. Mom was just measuring it now.
– And what did she say?!
– She said: “37 and 6.”

A little girl asked her grandfather: “Grandfather, did God create you?” “Yes, little one,” grandfather answered her. After a minute, the girl clarified: “And me?”
– Yes, little one, and you. For several minutes the girl doubtfully peered first at her grandfather, then at her own reflection in the mirror, until she categorically concluded: “You know, grandpa, God has begun to work much better lately.”

Conversation in kindergarten. Vovochka:
– Nastya, are you a hot woman? Nastya:
– I don’t know, but when I get up from the potty, steam comes out

I recently bought my son prunes covered in white chocolate, and I handed him the open package: “Help yourself.” He looks into it with curiosity, widens his eyes and says: “Dumplings?!” Raw?!

– Dad, when I grow up, I will become a great singer!
– Knock on wood.
– No, better a great writer!
– Knock on wood.
– No, a great boxer!
– Knock on wood.
– Well, dad, why do I always have to knock on wood?!
– Because you and I are hereditary woodpeckers.

Physics lesson in 9th grade. The teacher asks:
– Children, who knows what “variable resistance” is? Vovochka from the back desk:
– This is Lyuska from 8th “A”!
– ???
– Sometimes he gives, and sometimes he resists.

Two kids are sitting in the sandbox, one says to the other: “Say bow.”
– Onion.
– A knock on the forehead. Say “Luk” again.
– Onion.
– A knock on the forehead! Then the second kid got angry and said: “Say “Garlic.”
– Garlic .
– Hit the back with a shovel!

The little girl cries for a long time before going to bed, in the end she gets tired and asks her mother: “Can I calm down and go to bed?”

Teacher:
– Children, continue the expression “We are sitting.” Masha:
– On the bench. Petya:
– On the grass. Vovochka:
– Tipsy!