Little Petya asks little Marina: “When we grow up, will you marry me?”
– No.
– Why? -You see, in our family everyone marries their own. For example, my grandfather married my grandmother. My dad is on my mom, my uncle is on my aunt…

My son comes home from school: “Dad, you said that if I go to 4th grade, you will buy me a bicycle.” So, rejoice, we saved money.

Woman
– a girl about five years old:
– What is your name? Girl:
– I forgot. The girl’s mother (tiredly):
– Her name is Isabella. She just pronounces it in such a way that everyone thinks she “forgot.”

Entry in the diary: “I screamed during a singing lesson, but I should have sung quietly.”

Once upon a time, Christ drove the merchants out of the temple. Since then, the merchants have wised up and bought temples for themselves.

“Abram Izrailevich,” the OVIR inspector persuades Rabinovich, “well, where are you going?” You have such a wonderful apartment, a car…
– I don’t want to go myself. But the family insists. My wife itches every day. -Can’t you influence your wife? “So her parents have already made a hole in my head, too, along with her three brothers.” If they want to go, they squeal, especially their wives and children.
– So let them go if they want, and you stay.
– Can I? How will they leave if I am the only Jew in the whole family?

– The children played a game of “who will outdo whom.”
– The boy Andryusha outdid everyone, arriving in his brand new BMW for 130 thousand euros.

– Well, how are things with your children? “We’re very tired, we don’t get enough sleep, we have no time for ourselves at all.”
– How is Lena?
– Lena is me. Petya looks even worse.

Teacher before the test:
– Petrov! I hope I don’t see you cheating today?
– I hope too, MaryIvanna…

– Where did you learn to tap dance?
– At home . There were 15 children in our family and one potty for all of us.