The grandmother asks her grandson: “Did you throw the colander in the trash?”
– I threw it away!
– Why?
– So he’s covered in holes!

Rabinovich gives private music lessons to children, and everyone knows that his children behave surprisingly obediently and quietly. A colleague asks: “How do you do this?” “At the very first lesson, I tell the student: “I’m warning you, if you don’t listen, I’ll tell your parents that you have talent.”

Teacher:
– Well, children, what sounds did we hear on the farm today? Children:
– Muuuuuuuuu
– Quack quack quack
– Beeeeeeee
– Well, the fuck off the tractor!

During a sociology lesson, a teacher addresses a student: “There was no sex in the USSR, but there were 2-4 children in each family.” Now there is sex. But almost every family has one child. What is the conclusion?
– Well… children don’t come from sex. Still, storks…

How quickly time flies. I used to jerk off while hiding from my mom. Now I jerk off, hiding from the children.

Mom quickly gets her daughter ready for kindergarten. With one hand he paints the eyelashes, and with the other he dresses the child… They run to the minibus. The mother looks at her daughter without mittens: “Daughter, aren’t your hands frozen without mittens?”
– No! And legs without boots
– yes!

A pregnant wife says to her husband: “You know, there’s radiation all around now.” Children are born black and with two heads. The wife gave birth. The worried husband calls the maternity hospital: “So what?”
– Black.
– How many heads?
– One.
– Well, thank God!

MaryIvanna at a drawing lesson:
– Today Mashenka will draw a rose, Petenka will draw a bunny, Olenka will draw a pussy, and Vovochka will again draw domes, crosses and six diamonds.
– MaryVanna, why do I always draw the same thing?
– Understand, baby, this will be more useful to you in your future life. So, children, take brushes, and you, Vovochka, take a needle with ink, and let’s draw.

– What is the difference between a woman’s breasts and a toy railroad?
– Nothing: both are created for children, and dads play with them.

A man comes to the doctor and says: “Doctor, my balls hurt.”
– Take off your pants. The man took off his pants. The doctor is surprised: “Oh, yes, one of your eggs is iron and the other is wooden.”
– Yes, it’s strange, but I didn’t even notice. Doctor:
– Tell me, do you have children?
– Yes, the Terminator is already four, and Pinocchio has gone to school.