Mom lied to little Andryusha that children were found in cabbage, and he somehow began to look at the stewed cabbage with meat with fear.

Today, two-year-old children can already unlock a phone and access the Internet. What was I doing at their age? I ate sand.

My oldest child came home from school on September 1st. I ask: “Son, what’s new at school?” The answer was amazing: “Rolls in the canteen have gone up in price!”

During the lesson, the teacher asks the children:
– Petya, what can you get from a chicken?
– Meat.
– Masha, what can you get from a chicken?
– Testicles.
– Well, Vovochka, what do you say?
– Don’t know.
– Well, what do you sleep on?
– On the bench.
– What do you put under your head?
– Felt boots.
– Well, what does your dad sleep on?
– On the floor.
– What’s under his head?
– Second felt boot!
– Well, what does grandfather sleep on?
– On the stove!
– And under his head?
– Pillow!
– Well, what can you get if you cut your grandfather’s pillow?
– Pindyulei!

Physics teacher:
– Guys, when you stroke a cat against the grain in the dark during a thunderstorm, what catches your eye? Vovochka holds out her hand: “Cat!”

Adults say: “Don’t swear, there are children here.” And the children say: “Don’t swear, there are adults here.”

Children:
– But my dad is not there…
– How do you mean “no”
– And three years ago he packed a suitcase with laundry and went to the bathhouse.
– Does it take that long to wash?
– Don’t know. Grandma says that he has completely disappeared.