A prostitute with poor eyesight has an iPhone 6—

Grandfather hardly blew out all the candles on the cake, after which the guests began to eat his drool.

Smart girls are real treasures. It’s nice to find them in the ground.

The doctor came to the newlyweds’ house. After the examination, the relatives ask: “Well, how are they?” “I’m afraid,” says the doctor, “that both will soon become widows.”

-Have you heard the news? Whitney Houston’s comatose daughter is on the mend.
– Ha! She should have been told earlier that on February 11 she would be taken off life support.

We attended the funeral of a professor. The ceremony dragged on. In front stood a married couple
– a young woman with her husband – a handsome old man of about eighty with a tail, apparently an ally of the deceased. He was clearly no longer able to stand, and his wife from time to time whispered loudly to him: “Be patient, darling, it won’t be long, I’m patient!”

The cannibal Alyosha, while eating a 15-year-old girl, complained of a vanilla taste.

A man tells his friend what the new action movie is about: “And then he comes up to the guard from behind and hits him on the head with a hammer!”
– So what, he died? – Of course: the hammer is poisoned…

Let’s eat something good! A kind grandmother, for example.

At an interview. HR: Well, do you have any hobbies? Me *takes stuffed hamster out of pocket*: Taxidermy! Hamster: And ventriloquism!